


The Fall

by Clarinda0110



Series: The Affair [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (For Once Not Yuri P.) lol, Alternate Universe - Real World, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Car Sex, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Crying, Fear, Fear of Death, Fear of Discovery, Hate Speech, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Songfic, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-12-16 03:29:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21029522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clarinda0110/pseuds/Clarinda0110
Summary: Yuuri has made many mistakes in his life, but what he did to Viktor was his most spectacular by far. Can he be forgiven for the hurt he's caused? Can Viktor convince Yuuri that he's the one he wants to walk through fire with? Can they survive the fall?(This is part 2 to The Affair which was featured in the Viktuuri Angst Bang. Need to read that first.)





	1. Walking on Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! ＼（^０＾）／(And didn't have to hide)  
As you can see we're moving on to part 2 that WILL contain the happy ending. I have this week's updates done and starting in on the rest. Thank you all who've stopped by and commented, y'all have literally blown me away!!  
Big thanks to my lovely betas D_Toska and Dachi!  
I NEED songs!!! The summery is a good place to look for a theme.  
Here we go!!  
Enjoy! ヽ(o♡o)/

“You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew

But I don't care for sugar, honey, if I can't have you

Since you've abandoned me

My whole life has crashed

Won't you pick the pieces up

'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass”

-Walking on Broken Glass by Anne Lennox

The quiet that settled in the studio had a different quality to it, melancholy with a dash of pity. It seemed as if everyone in the room was reliving their own worst break-up. 

My eyes were fixed on Yuuri. His whole body seemed to radiate pain and sorrow, the wounds kept raw from constant picking. I felt an urge to comfort him, but professionalism kept my hands gripped on my notes.

“Your performance makes more sense knowing the full story and how much your emotional state affects your skating,” I kept my voice quiet and devoid of judgment. “You made a few big decisions afterward, correct?” I could see his demeanor change as if he’d closed the door on those events and returned to the present. 

“Yes, after placing 15th at World’s and the fact I’d finished my B.F.A. in dance, I decided I should break things off with Celestino. I couldn’t face the ice; it held too many memories and emotions. I was also feeling the draw of home more than I had in a long time. Being away for five years, I was starting to feel that I’d lost a piece of myself, lost touch with my roots. I packed up the life I’d built in Detroit and moved back to Hasetsu, without any idea if I’d ever skate again.”

I nearly dropped my papers at his last statement. All the artistry that would have been lost if he’d actually gone through with retirement, the thought was staggering. “That’s surprising to hear.” I was completely mystified as I looked over my notes of the time period in question, quickly trying to reinterpret them since they all needed to be viewed through a different lens. “But wait—Considering the breakup, how is it that history as we know it came to be?” 

He snorted and then took a drink of water that had been provided. “Sorry, whenever I think of the circumstances surrounding that, just make me laugh a bit. Let’s just say I had a wake-up call from one angry kitten.”

“Here it is again yet it stings like the first time

Seems it never ends, double nickels on your dime

I thought we were friends, I guess it just depends who you ask

These feelings tend to leave me with a hole in my chest

A hole in my chest 

Now the time has come I just wish I could erase

All the damage done to your name and your keepsakes

It's only just begun, it's been fun, we were blind, deaf and dumb

There's a party in my closet calling all skeletons

All skeletons, calling all”

-Calling All Skeletons by Alkaline Trio

The salty wind whipped through Yuuri’s hair as he ran hard down the beach. The sea spray stung his eyes and his thighs and calves ached from running on the sand, but the burn felt good, felt real. It seemed like the only time he felt anything at all was when he was pounding down the seaside in his hometown. Yuuri had been home for a few weeks now and only managed to go through the motions of living. His parents welcomed him home in their usual manner, his mother trying to serve him katsudon at every meal and his father offering him sake after dinner, each trying to make any headway into why he'd returned to them as only half a man. When asked, he would give his press answer: that he was in a funk from the two major losses during the season. 

Mari, Yuuri suspected, knew him far too well to think it was as simple as a botched performance. He'd caught her studying him from time to time as they stood together folding linens or sitting around their dining room with a cigarette in her hand looking at him as if he was a puzzle to be solved. She never asked him straight out. No, she always waited for him to come to her when he was ready, for which he was grateful. Out of the immediate family, Mari always got him best. 

Time seemed to meander on, and Yuuri realized he'd been home for a month already when there was a news clip on TV about the Russian figure skating team. The footage was of them at practice. Yuri Plisestky swirled across the ice and launched into a perfect quad salchow. Clenching his jaw, Yuuri ducked his head and made to leave the room.

“Well, that boy has some fire in his veins, doesn't he?” Minako was already five beers in and had started to slur between English and Japanese. “Oh look, Yuuuuri! Your darling Viktor is on.” 

Yuuri stopped dead in the doorway that led to the family’s part of the inn. He turned his head enough to catch sight of the screen out of the corner of his eye. Viktor was leaning casually against the barrier exchanging words with Yuri, the light of the tall windows streaked in from behind them. Yuuri turned to fully take in the image of Viktor as the camera pulled in close on him—because there wasn’t a camera invented that didn’t long to get up close on his face. 

He usually looked at home on the ice, at ease. Though the posture of his body read relaxed, Yuuri could see that cracks had begun to show in his mask. He could see that his eyes had been touched up and that his dazzling camera-ready smile had a brittle quality. Though the flaws weren’t glaring to the untrained eye, Yuuri had spent half his life studying that face and could see through the patchwork. 

Yuuri fled the room. Fled the inn. Fled the images of Viktor broken. He’d been fleeing from Viktor, from himself since their last meeting at World’s. He hadn’t gone to the banquet, telling Celestino that he felt ill and hid in his room. He’d fled Phichit and Detroit. When he’d stopped _moving, _ he’d pushed all of his emotions into the dark recesses of his heart, still unable to face them. 

His chest began to burn, and he stopped running, bending down, hands clenching his knees gasping to catch his breath. It wasn’t due to any loss in stamina; panic had its grip on his lungs like a vise. His breathing finally under control, he looked up to see where his crazed mind had brought him. Ice Castle Hasetsu loomed in front of him, the early evening shadows giving it an ominous aura. Or maybe he was hallucinating. Of all the places his feet could have taken him, they had led him back here. Though dance had been his first love, the ice had been his first passion, and the man who embodied them both was the person Yuuri had crushed with his own hands.

Yuuri could see that the lobby lights were still on from his place at the bottom of the concrete steps that lead up to the entrance. As if pulled on a thread, Yuuri found himself at the front desk, gazing blankly at Yuuko as she shelved the rental skates. 

She must have heard someone come in, because without turning to see who it was she hollered out, “We’re closed, but you can come back tomorrow!” She turned finally and started like she'd seen a ghost. “Goodness, Yuuri! You nearly scared the life out of me.”

“Sorry.” Yuuri bowed slightly and kept his eyes trained on the large wooden countertop that had been worn and scratched up by countless customers. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes, his shame at failing so completely pulling him down.

A thump of something heavy being put on the counter made Yuuri lookup. She had placed his black skates bag there and pushed it towards him. Speechless, Yuuri stared at it as if it was a living thing that would eat him whole. 

“Mari brought it over to me two weeks ago. I think she wanted me to keep it safe for you until you needed it again.” She nudged it towards him once more and then turned, heading for the office. “I have to finish up some paperwork. If you need to stay longer, I put a spare key in the side pocket of your bag.” She paused in the doorway, turning her head to look at him, a sympathetic smile crossing her face. “Welcome home, Yuuri.”

Yuuri stood stupidly looking down at his skate bag wondering how an inanimate object held such a wealth of emotions. He tentatively reached out and pulled the bag towards himself. He slowly unzipped it to reveal its contents, his trained eyes seeing that everything was as it should be. He quickly zipped it back up and slung it over his shoulder. Before he realized what he was doing, he’d strapped himself into his skates and was standing before the opening in the barrier of the rink. Removing his guards with trembling hands, Yuuri stepped out onto the fresh ice. 

Yuuri’s whole body released every bit of tension he’d been holding onto for so long. If it wasn’t for his well-trained body, he would have most likely fallen into a heap. Instead, he immediately started to loop around the quiet rink, warming up his muscles that seemed to have been yearning for this, to be back on the ice. After a few laps, he started in on his edge drills. The precise nature of these always let Yuuri’s mind relax and let his body do the work. Whenever he’d done these around his fellow competitors, they’d watch him with incredulous looks, as if questioning his sanity. Not many continued these drills after their juniors, so to see a senior doing them without instruction from their coach was nothing short of bizarre.

He’d just finished his last back outside spiral when his mind wandered back to one of the conversations he had with Viktor about skating. Yuuri had explained why he did figures, and Viktor had thought it was brilliant and how it went a long way to explain why his spins and step sequences were always top-notch. He had blushed at the compliment and stammered something to the effect of he’d never be as good as Viktor. Who’d immediately replied that he’d probably do “Stammi Vicinico” with more artistry and emotion than Viktor ever had. Yuuri had just shrugged it off and changed the subject.

Now, standing in the middle of the rink in Hasetsu, Yuuri bowed his head, pulling himself up to his full height as the music began in his head, and he began to skate Viktor’s free program. When he and Yuuko had been rink mates, they’d often copy Viktor’s programs to help themselves improve their own skating. Thus Yuuri had studied “Stammi Vicinico” while he’d been parted from Viktor as a way to feel connected to him.

He could feel the emotional connection to the program even more acutely at this moment, having lost the only person he’d ever wanted to love. Viktor had said he loved him, and he'd thrown the words back in his face. He attacked the jumps, landing them all, with the exception of the quad flip, which he swapped for a quad toe loop. 

As Yuuri held the final pose, arms crossed over his chest, as if he was embracing his lover, hot tears began to stream down his chilled face. His knees gave out from under him and he crumbled to the ice, sobs wracking through his body. He poured all the emotions he’d been carrying around for this past month into the ice. He sat in a heap, weeping for so long his legs went numb. He picked himself up slowly from the ice and made his way to the entrance of the barrier. 

Yuuri stopped short when he noticed Yuuko standing near the back wall, her hands clasped to her mouth and her eyes wet with tears. After retrieving his guards, he took a few steps towards her, his head low, still unable to look her in the eye. Suddenly he felt warm arms envelop him in a fierce hug. Usually, Yuuri would have avoided physical comfort, but at this moment, with this person, he allowed himself to melt into her comfortable warmth, wrapping his arms around her tiny shoulders and let himself be comforted. Tears began flowing again, quieter this time, letting the emotions flow out of him at an easier rate. Neither spoke. Yuuko ran a soothing hand up and down Yuuri’s back as he clung to her, weeping for all that he’d lost. All the love he’d taken for granted. All the shame he felt over his actions both on and off the ice. He laid his soul bare without even uttering a word. Yuuri had never been good at expressing his truth through words anyway, preferring his skating to speak when he could not. 

A thought caught him up short. Raising his head and wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeves, he looked at his childhood friend and gave her a small smile. 

“Ne, Yuuko? Would you do me a favor?”

“Picture perfect memories

Scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone 'cause, I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now”

-Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

It didn't take long for Yuuri's message to Viktor to reach its intended target, but the response wasn't what he had expected. Yuuko had posted the video of Yuuri skating Viktor's free skate program the morning after they'd filmed it, and by that afternoon it had gone viral. Which had struck Yuuri as odd, considering his lack of any online presence. Phichit had him sign up for Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, but his posts were so irregular that he hadn't acquired many followers. Yet this one video had set the skating fan-base on fire. Many simply critiquing his performance, while others called it a cry for attention and even a few wanted to know Viktor's response to it. Though Viktor did post constantly on social media that was linked to him, he'd been uncharacteristically silent on the matter. 

By the end of the week, the fuss on the internet had mostly died down. Yuuri had hoped for at least some kind of response from Viktor, but he’d begun to doubt. Doubt their feelings, doubt their connection, doubt that anything of consequence had happened at all. His anxiety had begun to run amuck, keeping him up at night and constantly checking his phone. Though since World’s, neither of those were unusual. The only change was that he’d returned to the ice, spending the time he used to ghost around the inn on the ice doing his edge drills, and trying to become more consistent landing the quad Salchow. Without the aid of his coach, whom Yuuri had always relied on to choreograph his programs, he didn’t have anything outside of drills to work on. He supposed he could ask Minako for some advice, but if Yuuri wanted to become someone who could stand beside Viktor on the ice, he needed to start producing his own programs. 

He’d just finished his drills and was thumbing through the songs on his phone, vainly hoping for one to jump out at him as a possible inspiration when his attention was drawn to a commotion out in the lobby. Suddenly, a small loud Russian came storming into the rink followed by a frantic Yuuko.

“Oi, Pig!” Yuri stomped over to the opening in the barrier and glowered at Yuuri.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri.” Yuuko was out of breath, having tried in vain to keep up with the tiny skater. “I told him it was a closed practice, but he insisted on coming in and talking to you now.”

Yuuri, startled by the intrusion, took a deep breath to collect his thoughts. He skated over to his water bottle and took a long drink. 

“How long are you just going to ignore me for, pig?” Yuri had started tapping his foot while he continued to glare at Yuuri. “I didn’t fly all the way here for you to brush me off.” 

Yuuri skated over to the opening in the barrier and put on his guards. “Not that it isn’t good to see you, Yuri,” he walked over to his towel and wiped the sweat from his face, “but why are you here exactly?”

Yuri stomped over and right up into Yuuri’s face. “You know what you did.” He looked over at Yuuko, who was still hovering over by the entrance to the rink. 

Yuuri, picking up on Yuri’s hint, turned to Yuuko. “Hey, it’s okay Yuuko. I think I can handle him. Thank you.” He gave her a reassuring smile as she turned to leave. Yuuri took a deep breath and turned back to face his unexpected guest. “So, did _ he _ send you?”

Suddenly, Yuri had him by the front of his shirt. “No, you asshole, Viktor didn’t send me. I came because you have the nerve to stomp all over him and then post that bullshit for the world to see. How dare you! I fucking trusted him to you and you threw him away. Now this video of you doing _ his _ program, that’s fucking low.” Clicking his tongue, Yuri let go of Yuuri and stepped back. “I came here to get some answers from the horse’s mouth.”

Yuuri sat down on the bench and began to unlace his skates, trying to interpret the angry words that he’d just been pummeled with. It was obvious, even at the banquet, that Viktor and Yuri had a close relationship. Yuri even knew that Viktor wasn’t one hundred percent the person that he led everyone to believe he was. So Yuri had come on his own all the way to Japan to confront Yuuri about what had happened between them and why he posted the video. But was that all there was behind his appearance, or was there more to it? 

“So, you came all the way here to Japan to what? Yell at me?” Yuuri rose up to his full height so he towered over the shorter skater. He took a good look at Yuri, who had shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and was glowering in his direction. Here was a fifteen-year-old boy who’d flown all the way to a foreign country to yell at someone who’d hurt his friend? Big brother? Father figure? A very important person in his life. The thought made Yuuri’s head swim a bit to see the level of devotion Yuri had for Viktor. If he was going to mend the hurts he’d caused, he needed to start with mending things with Yuri. 

He sighed, uncrossing his arms, then bent down to pick up his skate bag. “Well, I think we should have this conversation elsewhere. Are you hungry?” Yuuri started towards the lobby doors and turned when he realized Yuri wasn’t following him. He turned back to see Yuri standing where Yuuri had left him kicking at the ground with the toe of his shoe. He looked, at that moment, every inch the teenager he was, all knees and elbows, with emotions he didn’t have the first clue of how to deal with. Yuuri’s heart softened towards the angry kitten before him. “Come on, really. My mom would love to feed you till you burst. Then you can have a bath and we can talk.” He extended his hand palm up in a gesture, he hoped, of truce. 

With another click of his tongue, Yuri made his way past Yuuri to the lobby and grabbed the handle of a leopard print rolling suitcase. Not looking back at Yuuri, he opened the door and held it open for him. “Fine, but I’m not paying for anything.”

Ducking his head to hide the smile he was fighting, Yuuri exited Ice Castle with a wave to Yuuko and headed towards home with a tiny Russian in his wake. They walked in silence as they made their way through the streets of Hasetsu. Yuri trailed behind him, his suitcase bumping rhythmically along behind him. 

Yuuri had been trying to organize his thoughts since the angry kitten appeared in his rink. He knew was going to have to talk things out with Yuri about his choice to leave Viktor at World’s and how much he regretted it. He needed to make clear how deeply depressed he’d been since, how paralyzing that state can be, and that’s why it took him so long to reach out to Viktor. He wasn’t sure if it would temper the ire Yuri held against him, but he had to attempt to meet him halfway. 

“We are strong

No one can tell us we're wrong

Searching our hearts for so long

Both of us knowing

Love is a battlefield

You're begging me to go

Then making me stay

Why do you hurt me so bad

It would help me to know

Do I stand in your way

Or am I the best thing you've had

Believe me

Believe me

I can't tell you why

But I'm trapped by your love

And I'm chained to your side”

-Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar


	2. Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama Katsuki takes care of an unexpected guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter and on time!! (Looks at self in wonderment)  
Thanks for the song suggestion!! Keep 'em coming!!  
As always I owe my betas, [D_Toska](https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_Toska/works), Dachi and a pinch of [Kanzki19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanzaki19/pseuds/kanzaki19) tone of love for all their hard work.  
Thanks for sticking with me!  
Enjoy! ヽ(o♡o)/

“ Don't you tell me to deny it

I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins

I've come to you cause I need guidance to be true

And I just don't know where I can begin

What I need is a good defense

Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal

And I need to be redeemed

To the one I've sinned against

Because he's all I ever knew of love”

-Criminal by Fiona Apple

As Yuuri expected, his mother swooped in and hustled them into the family dining room as soon as he’d told his mother who Yuri was and how far he’d traveled. She fussed over Yuri and the poor boy was all stuttering politeness and blushes. She declared that he was far too skinny and that he needed food immediately, and rushed off into the kitchen to make them something. 

He leaned over to whisper to Yuuri as soon as she was out of sight. “Oi, pig! Is she always like this?” 

Yuuri laughed at the comment. “Mostly, but hungry skaters are her special crusade. I would skip meals during training when I was as young as you and she’d fuss over me too.” 

Mari came in bearing two steaming bowls of katsudon and set one in front of each of them. “So, Yuri and Yuuri. Man, that’s going to get confusing.” She took out a cigarette and lit it. She took a couple of drags as she thought. “Oh, we can call you Yurio.” With that declaration, she left saying she had chores to finish and left a sputtering Yurio in her wake.

“Hey!” Hollered the newly dubbed Yurio. “That’s not my name!” All they could hear in response was Mari’s rich laughter. He huffed and turned his attention to the food still steaming before him. “So what’s this?”

Yuuri put his hands together and said his thanks for the food before picking up his chopsticks. “It’s kastudon. Pork cutlet bowl. Rice, eggs, peas with fried pork on top. It’s my favorite dish and my mother’s specialty. Dig in.” Seeing Yurio hesitate, Yuuri got up, fetched a fork from the kitchen and handed it to Yurio. “I guess I shouldn’t expect you to know how to use chopsticks. Viktor seemed — ” Yuuri stopped himself suddenly. He was about to tell Yurio about how at ease Viktor had been using chopsticks when they’d had ramen on their date. The memory caused his appetite to lessen, and he stared down at his bowl. 

“Yeah, well he and Anya go to all kinds of restaurants when they travel.” Yurio was poking at his untouched bowl of food. “I mostly just eat what they serve in the dorms or at hotel restaurants.” 

“You won’t starve here, that's for sure, I think it's against her religion. Please, eat up.” The smell of the food which had been prepared with such love made Yuuri tear up as he began to eat. 

Yurio, letting his hunger win out, began eating as well. “Wow! This stuff is amazing!” Yurio’s words were slightly muffled by trying to talk in between frantic bites of food. “How are you not a hundred pounds overweight?” 

Yuuri laughed. “I’m only allowed to have this when I win at a competition, but I have a guest so I thought I might indulge a bit.” Giving Yurio a wink, he dove back into his own bowl. 

Yuuri had just set down his bowl when a familiar voice penetrated through the paper walls from the lobby. 

“Excuse me, have you seen a teenage boy with blonde hair and green eyes? He should have arrived in town this afternoon. Please, I need to find him.” 

Yurio bolted for the lobby followed closely by Yuuri. Both wanted to see if it really was who they imagined. The tableau that they encountered brought both up short. Viktor was bowing low as Yuuri’s parents were stock still in astonishment seeing this famous skater in their inn begging for help. Yuuri’s mother was the first to speak as she gently put a hand on Viktor’s shoulder to bring him up.

“Welcome, Vicchan. The boy is here and is being well cared for.” 

Viktor rose up straight, the relief plain on his face. “Thank God.” Viktor let out a deep sigh and ran his hand through his hair. Yuuri couldn’t help but notice how worn out he looked. The circles that makeup had hidden stood out in stark relief on his pale face, and his hair was a bit limp. In fact, seeing him this close in person, Yuuri could see that his whole body seemed to scream sorrow. It made Yuuri’s insides churn to see what his actions had done to this beautiful creature.

“My name is Hiroko, come in, dear boy. This is Toshiya, my husband.” He made a small bow at her introduction and smiled widely at the new visitor. She took Viktor’s arm to lead him to the family part of the inn, but Viktor stopped short when he saw Yurio and Yuuri lurking in the hallway. His mother, who could read a room as if it came as naturally to her as breathing, sensed the tension and patted Viktor’s arm. “See, I told you he was safe. Now let's get you off your feet and some good food in your belly.” Looking directly at Yuuri when they passed, his mother gave a small nod. Which innocuous to anyone else, spoke volumes to Yuuri, telling him to get to work. “Then we can see to a bath and somewhere for you two boys to sleep.” Caught up in his mother’s kindness, Viktor was helplessly pulled along to the family dining room. 

Yurio started to follow after and then paused when he sensed that Yuuri wasn’t following. “Aren’t you coming, too?” 

“Nah, I’ve got to get your room ready.” Seeing the confused look on the teen’s face, he smiled. “Mom’s orders.” Yuuri turned and headed up the stairs. The only room that would accommodate them would be the old banquet room As Yuuri slid the door open Mari came up behind him with a broom and cleaning supplies in hand. 

“Get the futons out of the closet and help me clean in here.” 

Without another syllable uttered, the two siblings worked in harmony as they carried out their tasks. Once the room was clean and the futons had been laid out, Mari told him to fetch the linens. Yuuri had reached the top of the stairs when he heard Mari speak again. 

“Don't run off this time, Yuuri.” 

He turned and met her gaze head-on and nodded as he hurried to follow his sister's orders. Once he returned and they had just put the finishing touches on the room, they heard voices coming from the stairs.

“Your room is up here next to Yuuri's.” Hiroko was followed by Viktor and Yurio along with their suitcases. “After you settle in, Yuuri will take you down to the onsen so you can relax after your long journey. Ne, Yuuri?” 

Yuuri promptly gave a small bow as they passed him into the room. 

“There's a closet for your things and a full bath just below us. Have good rest you two.” Mari followed Hiroko down the stairs leaving the three of them in awkward silence. 

Yuuri took a few breaths to prepare himself to fall into his role as host. “When you’re ready to head down to the onsen, just knock on my door.” He gestured in the direction of his room. He gave them a small bow to excuse himself and slid the door shut. He'd made it two steps down the hall when a voice pulled him up short.

“Thank you, Yuuri.” Viktor's voice was quiet and full of things unsaid. 

Yuuri didn't turn but nodded his acknowledgment as he fled to the sanctuary of his room. He stared at the empty walls, walls that he’d emptied when he’d returned home. The thought of Viktor staring at him with his mask in place had nearly sent Yuuri into a full panic attack. The posters were now tucked away under the mattress. The walls had a pattern of bright rectangles and other odd shapes marking the places where each had hung. He’d have to do something about it, but it would have to wait.

He was debating on whether or not to change out of his workout clothes before he showed Viktor and Yurio down to the onsen when he heard a light knock on his door. Yuuri pulled it open to see Viktor looking adorably bashful. He’d changed into comfortable looking joggers and a grey t-shirt nearly the same color as his hair. His pose was hunched and his eyes were averted. Yuuri had to try hard not to smile, but his heart ached at the same time. 

“I’m ready,” Viktor’s voice was barely audible over the pounding of Yuuri’s heart. “Yurio passed out a few minutes ago, so it’s just — um, me.” Viktor’s eyes darted quickly up to Yuuri’s as his cheeks pinked.

It suddenly struck Yuuri that they’d be alone. In the onsen. Naked. He flushed to the tips of his ears. Taking a deep breath, Yuuri slipped past Viktor. “Follow me.” He heard Viktor’s bare feet tap lightly on the wooden floor from behind him.

The inn was mostly quiet with only a few guests in the dining room enjoying some warm sake or beer before bed. The men’s dressing room was empty, though Yuuri could hear water running in the showers. Pulling out two baskets, one for Viktor and one for himself, he placed them on the bench along with a few towels. “Fold your clothes and put them in the basket, then we can head into the showers to wash up before we get into the bath.” 

Viktor remained still as he stared down at the basket and towels. His nervous energy was wafting off him. 

Yuuri decided to strip first. If he didn’t do something he guessed they’d stand here and continue being on edge. “I’ll head on in. You can join me when you’re ready.” He wrapped a towel around his naked waist and headed for the shower room. 

Yuuri was just rinsing the suds from his hair when he noticed someone sit on the stool next to him. He put the shampoo into the bucket and passed it to Viktor, who had begun to wet his hair. Yuuri stood after they were sufficiently clean, and headed outside with Viktor trailing close behind him. He made his way over to the furthest pool that was tucked back in a corner. He quickly dropped his towel and stepped into the inviting heat. Yuuri crossed the pool and turned to sit as he caught sight of Viktor dropping his towel. 

Yuuri was robbed of breath at the vision before him. Viktor’s skin glowed in the dim lamplight and his hair, though damp, shone like spun starlight. Viktor stepped gingerly into the steaming water, the heat intense to those not used to it. 

“I feel like I’m going to cook myself in here!” Viktor’s skin was already reddening from the hot water as he eased the rest of the way in. 

Yuuri couldn’t contain the giggle that bubbled up. “It’s not that bad, you big baby.”

Viktor pouted prettily at being laughed at. He settled across from Yuuri and let out a sigh as he relaxed into the water. “This place is heavenly. It must have spoiled you to all other forms of bathing.”

“Yeah, hot tubs and whirlpool tubs never had a chance.” 

They laughed at Yuuri’s confession, but it faded quickly, whatever ease they’d had between them flitting away with the steam. 

Viktor ran his hands over the surface of the water and watched the water move under his palms, transfixed on the ripples created by his movements. The silence had a strange charge to it. Not quite the awkward kind that Yuuri was used to around other people, and it wasn’t the comfortable quiet he had with Mari while they did their chores together. It was filled to the brim with so many unsaid words it filled their mouths and robbed them of speech. 

After what could have been minutes or hours, Yuuri couldn’t be sure, Viktor looked up at him, his eyes dark as the sea during a storm. 

“You looked magnificent skating my program. I knew you would do the emotional core better justice than I ever could.” Viktor’s voice was quiet and tight, seeming as if he was choosing his words with care. “For someone who didn’t want anyone in our world to know how you felt about me, that was a pretty bold statement, don’t you think?”

“It wasn’t for them; it was for you.” Yuuri quietly shot back. “I don’t think anyone made any connections of the sort. They mostly accused me of being a second-rate Viktor Nikiforov. A hack. A wannabe.” He’d read every single comment, tattooing them on his soul as a reminder of how much he didn’t deserve Viktor’s high regard. “It was the only thing I could think of to do after I— after what I — “

“After you ripped out my heart? Is that what you were going to say?” Venom laced every syllable, dripping from the words Viktor spat at him. 

Yuuri was shocked at the flash of emotion from Viktor who had been so cool and in control when he’d departed Yuuri’s room in Saitama. All the pain he’d felt since came crashing back with such force it nearly drowned him. “I thought, and I still do, that if we’d continued, we would have ended up causing each other far more pain. It would have robbed us both of careers we love, and you would have lost your home. I  _ know _ that if we’d been exposed, you wouldn’t have felt safe going back to Russia. So, yes, I chose to end it even though I knew it would cause both of us to be hurt.” Yuuri looked up to see Viktor’s expression was a mix of hurt and confusion. “And for all of your professed love, of all the people I wanted to respond to my video, you remained silent. It took Yurio coming all the way to Japan for you to say anything about it. What happened to the line that skaters can be friends in public? You could have given one of your press-ready lines, and I would have known you’d at least seen it.”

Whatever was left of Viktor’s hold on his emotions snapped. “What, you wanted one of my lines that mean absolutely nothing? I had no idea what to even think about that, let alone the ability to tie it up in a neat little package to deliver through the rabid dogs of the media.”

“Well, no, but… I just wanted some acknowledgment that you’d seen it and maybe understood a little of what I was trying to say.” Yuuri felt small and weak under the force of Viktor’s words. Unable to take anymore, he clamored out of the onsen. 

“Wait, Yuuri!” Viktor splashed out of the hot water and rushed after Yuuri. Viktor caught up to him in the locker room and grabbed Yuuri’s arm and spun him around to face him. All the anger and bitterness had been washed from his face, only holding sorrow and confusion. 

“I’m sorry, Viktor. I’m sorry for hurting you. Sorry, I can’t be strong enough to stand by your side. I thought I could do it, I really did. That if I could keep you happy that was all that mattered, but the real world doesn’t work like that. It’s ugly and cruel. It will punish us far worse than we can imagine.” He tried to free himself from Viktor’s hold but to no avail. 

Viktor instead tightened his grip. “So, you’re sorry that you’re hurting me but refuse to remove the knife?” His eyes glittered with all the pain he was feeling.

Yuuri quaked under Viktor’s gaze, unable to look away. Nearly all of him wanted to stop fighting and surrender, but his mind kept playing over and over all the horrible outcomes. From Viktor being striped of his career and his medals, being shunned by the people who’ve supported him all these years, and the worst was him being whisked away to some reprogramming camp to have everything that made Viktor such a beautiful creature stamped out of him. No, he couldn’t let any of that happen if he could help it. 

“Yes, Viktor, because anything else would be far worse.” Yuuri bowed his head in defeat, as Viktor lowered his hands.

“Fine.”

He was going to leave now as he should. Yuuri was sure now that he’d finally pushed hard enough to change Viktor’s feelings for him and it was for the best. Yuuri pulled out his basket and began to dress. Viktor pulled his out too, but instead of dressing, he took out his phone.

“You can’t have phones here, Viktor.” The automatic response popped out of his mouth from a lifetime of telling tourists.

Viktor ignored him and began scrolling through his phone. Finding whatever he was looking for, Viktor tapped the phone and put it to his ear. His eyes found Yuuri’s and lit with a fire that Yuuri had seen before. It was the look he had before he took to the ice, ready to give a performance that will bring down anyone who thought they could hold a candle to him. “I’m going to change your mind, my Yuuri.” He turned his attention back to his phone and spoke in a voice that was all charm and sweetness. “Privet? Ah, Yakov! Good of you to take my call. I’m going to take some time off. I want to try my hand at coaching, and the skater I have my eye on is Yuuri Katsuki.”

“Oh, my life

Is changing every day

In every possible way

And oh, my dreams

It's never quite as it seems

Never quite as it seems

I know I've felt like this before

But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from you

Then I open up and see

The person falling here is me

A different way to be”

-Dreams by The Cranberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some links about the state of Human Rights for LGBT in Russia.  
[Wikipedia.org article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Russia)  
&  
[OSCE Report](https://www.osce.org/odihr/407402?download=true)


	3. Just Give Me a Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor pushes while Yuuri pulls. 
> 
> **edited a smidge ( p_q) **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (シ_ _)シ I'm sooo sorry I didn't post on Tuesday. This chapter like this story turned into a monster.  
I wanted to get so much done and it just didn't want to write. But as consolation, you all get two chapters  
worth of content!!! (っ・ω・）っ≡≡≡≡≡≡☆  
I want to prostrate myself before my wonderful betas, D_Toska, Dachi, and Kanzaki19.  
Seriously, this chapter wouldn't have been written without all their time, effort and love. (๑♡3♡๑)  
***Spicy Katsudon Alert***  
We finally get to the E part of this half. (^_−)☆  
Start reading fast at “Vitya—“ and stop at “We should clean up, Vitya.”  
The tentative schedule will be every Thursday.  
Enjoy! ヽ(o♡o)/

****“Right from the start

You were a thief, you stole my heart

And I your willing victim

I let you see the parts of me, that weren't all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh

Things you never say to me oh oh

Tell me that you've had enough

Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again

It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again”

-Just Give Me a Reason by P!nk

“Just like that?” I was sure my jaw was on the floor. “I knew Viktor was someone who loved to surprise people, and as I recall, it did come as quite a shock to the sport to hear he was suddenly taking time off. Did he give you any sign that he’d given the matter any thought at all? Was it all just a whim?” The incredulity in my tone must have been clear because Yuuri looked as if he was fighting back laughter.

“Yes, he put his career on hold and became my coach just like that.” He gave a small shake of his head with his smile still in place and with the look of a parent whose child had just written ‘I love you’ on the wall. “As for your other questions, my anxious mind was far too busy to even notice if it was a whim or not. I had ripped us apart privately to keep our public selves in one piece. And in true Viktor fashion, with one phone call, he'd merged our public lives together for the foreseeable future.”

“How was it to have the Viktor Nikiforov coaching and skating in your home rink in Hasetsu? I know it took the press a bit of time to find him, but tell us about those days.” I leaned in a bit in my eagerness to hear the details no one had been privy to. 

“He was exuberant on and off the ice. I’ll never forget how giddy he was when he gifted us with our short programs. He positively glowed.” 

The knowing laugh Yuuri let out had me wanting to know every detail. “You skated ‘On Love: Eros’ and Yuri skated ‘On Love: Agape’, correct?”

“Yeah, Yuri wasn't thrilled with Viktor's choice of music, to say the least. I think I learned a few choice phrases in Russian that day.” Yuuri's laugher tripped around the room like a joyful sprite. 

“What did you think about your song? What was it like to do, um, such provocative choreography in front of someone who used to be your lover, a man who vowed to love you till his dying day?” 

Yuuri rubbed the back of his neck as he digested my question. “One would assume it would have been uncomfortable, but in all honesty, when I’m learning new choreography I usually am too focused on getting the movements and jumps right before I begin attaching the story to it.”

I couldn’t help but think he was deliberately avoiding the core answer I had been seeking, so I tried a different angle. “It must have been a difficult dance? To be together in close quarters while retaining the boundaries of coach and athlete.” 

Yuuri's expression closed off at the question. I knew I was toeing the line he'd set after he'd told me of the affair, but I wanted to get a clear picture of what was actually happening during that time. Yuuri let out a heavy sigh; I could see how conflicted he was. 

“Yes, there was a tension of a sexual nature, if that’s what you’re suggesting. A constant push and pull. But at some point, the rope snapped.”

“Oh, oh, I never felt this way

How do you give me so much pleasure

And cause me so much pain

Just when I think

I've taken more than would a fool

I start fallin' back in love with you

I keep on fallin'

In and out of love with you

I never loved someone

The way that I love you”

-Fallin by Alicia Keys

Viktor had completely invaded Yuuri’s space. From the smell of cologne that drifted along the hallway outside his room to his shoes in the rack next to the entrance of the inn. The pièce de résustance was during practice. Unlike Celestino, who directed things from the barrier, Viktor was on the ice with him. 

If there was a correction in posture or hand positioning, Viktor would touch Yuuri’s hip to guide it to the correct place or run his hand along Yuuri’s arm to make him extend fully. Viktor never yelled or barked corrections at Yuuri. Instead, he’d quietly explain what needed to change. 

There was the rare occasion when Viktor would drift out of Yuuri’s orbit and back away to simply watch him skate the program. He was a man transfixed in those moments. Yuuri was the siren and Viktor his helpless victim. Viktor seemed to revel in their demise, enjoying every teasing moment they shared. There were moments, quiet, still moments when he seemed lost in his own thoughts. 

A week after Viktor’s declaration, Yuuri, Yurio, and Viktor found themselves in the baggage claim of Fukuoka Airport. Viktor had arranged, through either bribes or blood magic, to have Makkachin shipped to Japan and not have to spend the mandatory time in quarantine. Viktor bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for the customer service representative who had disappeared behind a heavy steel door to retrieve his beloved poodle. 

“I can’t wait for you to meet my Makka, Yuuri. You’re going to love her.”

“Viktor, I’ve seen her a dozen times over Skype.” Yuuri smiled indulgently at him, not quite believing the man next to him was three years older than he was. “I’m sure I’d love any dog you had.”

“I can’t believe you flew your dog to Japan.” Yurio rolled his eyes skyward. “You know this makes you like a permanent resident, right? Now you just have to convince this idiot—”

The rest of Yurio's comment was lost to the sound of happy barks and claws scratching just beyond the door, which burst open a second later; the customer service rep spilling in pulled by a large, slobbery poodle.

“Makka!” Viktor spread his arms wide and gathered the large canine in his arms, not minding one bit about the amount of dog drool that was now covering his face. 

“Gross.”

After Makka was sure Viktor had been sufficiently covered in slobber, she eyed the two Yu(u)ri’s and bounded over to Yuuri, knocking him to the ground. 

“Hello, girl.” Yuuri laughed as Makka managed to lick his glasses off his face. “It’s nice to finally meet you too.” He looked past the sixty or so pounds of chocolate curls to catch Viktor watching them with a fond smile. A look that Viktor had given him many times; it reminded Yuuri of the endless nights spent talking over Skype about nothing and everything.

With a blink, it vanished. Viktor put the leash on Makkachin and pulled her off Yuuri. “Let’s head back.” His voice a little too cheerful, “we wouldn’t want to miss dinner.”

Yurio reached out to help Yuuri up off the floor, but held on to him, yanked him down and growled in his ear. “What the hell. I thought you were going to fix things?”

“It’s complicated.” It was all Yuuri could come up with that wasn’t a total lie. 

Yurio clicked his tongue and let go of him, “Uncomplicate it, moron. It can’t be that hard.”

Resisting Viktor was fast becoming the hardest thing Yuuri had ever done. Viktor seemed to be intent on rifling through his life and tossing away any obstacles he came across. He charmed the socks off his mother and Yuuko, had outdrank Minako and even managed to win Mari’s approval by not being Viktor Nikiforov the celebrity.

It was a few weeks after Yurio left before the constant presence of Viktor took a sharp uptick; all of his charm, all of his kindness, all of his everything. Yuuri’s anxiety finally reared its ugly head to take a hold of him. It whispered to him of all the reasons he’d had for pushing Viktor away and played a non-stop loop through his dreams of Viktor being ripped away from him or just vanishing without a trace. 

“Yuuri, you’ve got the technical components of the program solid.” Yuuri could hear the ‘but’ lingering in the air like an ill wind. “I gave you this program because I knew you would be able to pour yourself into it. Your dance background and your natural musicality are the perfect fit.” He skated up to Yuuri and took his hands, the warmth seeping into Yuuri bones. 

It occurred to Yuuri how much he’d missed this warmth, the simple act of hands encompassed by another’s. His very being ached for more simple touches, but that wasn’t ever enough. The magnetic pull inevitably led to more touches, which lead to kisses, which lead to pouring themselves into each other. 

Yuuri snapped his hands back. “Viktor, we need to talk.”

Shock at Yuuri’s action had Viktor’s eyes wide. “We are talking, Yuuri.” He attempted to reach out for Yuuri, to keep him close, but Yuuri skated backward to stay just beyond his grasp. 

“Not about my program, Viktor. We need to talk about boundaries.” Even as the words left his mouth, Viktor was gaining ground, encroaching more towards Yuuri who had backed himself into the barrier with nowhere to go. 

Viktor pulled right up in front of Yuuri and put a hand on either side of him gripping the barrier, enclosing him, ensnaring him. “Yuuri.” The heat of Viktor’s breath heated his cheeks and tickled across his lips. 

Yuuri braced his palms on Viktor’s chest in an attempt to keep some distance between them. “We can’t keep doing this, Viktor. Please, we’re coach and skater now. We can’t cross over that line, not even when it’s just the two of us. I can’t slip back to what we were before. It’s not worth the risk to you. I would never forgive myself if—“

“I know the risks, Yuuri!” Viktor’s voice was quiet and harsh, whispered from clenched teeth. His grip on the barrier intensified as he spoke. “Don’t presume you’re the only one who knows what could happen to me. What was expected from me as a Russian man has been drilled into me from a very young age." His eyes softened as he leaned down closer, his lips mere millimeters from Yuuri’s. “But here I am, Yuuri. I’m here wanting you, loving you in spite of all those horrible things that could happen to me. This is me facing the one I love fully, honestly.”

Yuuri clenched his fists and shoved at Viktor’s chest, dislodging his hold on the barrier and scrambling away. Viktor remained in place, too shocked at Yuuri’s actions to chase after him again. 

“How can you say that?” Yuuri spat the words out, the darkest fears bubbling to the surface. “We’ve never faced each other honestly, Viktor. You are a married man. An adulator. I’m nothing better than a mistress in the eyes of the world. Tell me, Viktor, where is the honesty in that?” Yuuri couldn’t take any more lies. “If you call what we have love, then I want nothing to do with that. You are my coach and I’m your skater. That is all.” 

Yuuri could feel his tears streaming down his face as he exited the rink, leaving Viktor alone on the empty ice.

“You only know what I want you to

I know everything you don't want me to

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

You think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will”

-Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars

“So you chose a safer relationship. However, I'm sure it made living with Viktor harder, right?” I was amazed at how strong his resolve must have been to push away someone you cared about.

“It made practice and living under the same roof difficult at times. It was acute, constantly in each other's space, seeing flashes of what we had flickering before our eyes just out of reach. By the time we landed in Bangkok for Cup of China, it had become so unbearable, we were barely speaking.”

“Wow.” I was stunned by how far they’d drifted apart. “But hold on, what lead to the divorce if you and Viktor were on the outs? Also, the rumors of you two being an item were at an all-time high at the time. What happened to give fuel to all that chaos?”

“Eros,” Yuuri said simply. “Eros was always our downfall in the end.”

“Even through the darkest phase

Be it thick or thin

Always someone marches brave

Here beneath my skin

And constant craving

Has always been

Maybe a great magnet pulls

All souls towards truth

Or maybe it is life itself

That feeds wisdom

To its youth

Constant craving

Has always been”

-Constant Craving by k.d. lang

Yuuri had never dreamed that he'd be glad about not sharing a room with Viktor at a competition. Though, it was more of a deep need for a break than anything else. 

“Seriously, Viktor, how much luggage does a man need for four days? You're not even skating.” Yuuri watched the bellhop assemble the matched set onto a cart like a jigsaw puzzle, mesmerized; he hadn’t even known that so many different kinds of luggage existed.

Their fingers brushed and the card fell noiselessly onto the plush carpeting. The electric spark that was once so exciting, was now just a constant punishment. 

Yuuri picked it up and turned silently to the bank of elevators. 

“We have the first spot for practice in the morning. Get some rest, and I'll meet you here in the lobby at seven.” Viktor said faintly behind him. 

Yuuri nodded as the elevator doors swished open. He could feel Viktor's gaze boring onto him as he stepped into the elevator. He glanced back to see Viktor’s gaze had shifted to his own shoes rather than stepping forward. “Aren't you going up, too?”

“I'll take the next one. I wouldn't want to crowd you with all my luggage.”

Yuuri gave an exasperated sigh and nearly punched the panel of buttons to bring him to his room and leave the strain of the scene behind. Instead, he held the door open, stepped forward and pulled the cart into the elevator. “Come on, I don't mind.” 

Yuuri knew that he was really the one to blame for the state they were in. Every kind word and gentle touch, Yuuri had returned with harsh words and stiffening of posture. He was trying so hard not to feel anything, he ended up causing more pain. His anxiety compounded everything, making him short-tempered and withdrawn. Phichit would always give back whatever Yuuri would fling at him because it usually would push Yuuri out of his funk. Viktor on the other hand just took all the vitriol that spewed out of Yuuri, which tended to frustrate him further. He wanted some kind of reaction other than polite indifference; he wanted Viktor to yell and scream at him. The harder he pushed, the more Viktor held back and calmly took all Yuuri dished out.

At practice the next morning, Yuuri actually felt more at peace than he had in weeks. Viktor was watching from the barrier, as usual, but something about being in a different environment lifted the dark clouds that had gathered around them. Yuuri ran through Eros, which still was missing its core. In the back of his mind, he knew why he wasn’t connecting with the passion of this program. The vast gulf he’d put between himself and the object of his desire was affecting more than just his attitude. 

The calm he’d achieved on the ice had vanished when he skated over to Viktor, who was giving him his critical mask. Yuuri clenched his hand around his guards and slammed them on his skates. 

“Yuuri, the short is tomorrow and you’re still struggling with the theme of the program.” Viktor trailed after Yuuri as he headed for the men’s locker room. Viktor continued to go through ways he could improve the program, but Yuuri was only half listening. He took off his skates and threw them in his bag. He was tired. Tired of snapping at Viktor. Tired of pretending the situation was okay. Tired of pushing Viktor away. Shoving his feet into his street shoes, Yuuri grabbed his stuff and walked out without saying a single word. 

“Yuuri, I'm sorry. I—“ Defeat was clear in his voice.

Yuuri whirled back and stepped into Viktor's space. Close enough to see how the summer had worn on him in ways only Yuuri could truly see. 

“Don't. Please.” Yuuri balled his fists, the sharp sting of nails through flesh kept him from not grabbing Viktor and kissing him senseless, putting an end to the agony for them both. “Don't give up yet.”

“Forgive me

Is all that you can't say

Years gone by and still

Words don't come easily

Like forgive me forgive me

But you can say, baby

Baby can I hold you tonight

Maybe if I told you the right words

At the right time, you'd be mine”

-Baby Can I Hold by Tracy Chapman

The bright spotlight sent blinding shafts of light bouncing off the medals that were hung around each man's neck. Phichit had clinched gold, Yuuri took silver and Christophe had grabbed the bronze. 

As they exited the locker room, Phichit still beaming with pride for Yuuri and his victories. “Yuuri! We should go out to celebrate! You promised that when we competed against each other we’d go out.” He put on his best pout at Yuuri as they headed towards the main thoroughfare.

“I wouldn’t want to break my promise, just nothing too much, please.” Yuuri begged with his eyes, knowing that Phichit would understand. Even though he was overjoyed with his medal, his heart wasn’t into celebrating. Though his programs had been technically successful, they were still lacking their core and that left Yuuri feeling bereft. He didn’t think he could take going out to a club or someplace with tons of people. 

Phichit paused and Yuuri could tell he was assessing him, trying to suss out, as only Phichit could, why Yuuri would make such a request after their win. Yuuri gave his friend what he hoped was a look that conveyed his thoughts. Phichit nodded his understanding and bumped Yuuri’s shoulder playfully. 

Viktor was waiting there chatting with other members of team Russia and when he spotted them his smiled shifted from press to genuine. He took Yuuri’s garment bag reaching, for an instant, like he was going to place his free hand on Yuuri’s back before redirecting and folding the bag over, holding it with both hands.

“Ooh, can I join you?” Chris purred, coming up behind Yuuri and gently palming his butt, which caused Yuuri to jump and Viktor to scowl.

“Of course!” Phichit ensnared Viktor’s arm. “Come along, you two.,” 

“Uh, I don’t know… “ Viktor tried in vain to disentangle himself from Phichit’s grasp. “I’m kinda tired…” 

“"But, you are still coming, right?...", it wouldn’t be any fun without you.” Chris took his other arm while relieving him of Yuuri’s garment bag and giving it back to Yuuri. “Mon chéri, you and darling Phichit head back to the hotel and get yourselves cleaned up, then we’ll meet you in the lobby. I know a superb place with excellent food and wine. It’s the perfect place for us to have an intimate conversation.” 

“Sounds like a plan!" Phichit slung an arm around Yuuri, steered him towards the door, and with a playful wave to Viktor and Christophe, left for the hotel.

When they all reconvened in the lobby, Christophe took the lead with Phichit, and the group headed out into the night. Viktor and Yuuri trailed behind, still not speaking, but their usual tension had seemed to have drifted off in the cool night air.

Viktor was the first to fill the silence. “Your skating was excellent, Yuuri.” His hands clasped in front of him, wrapped in the soft brown leather gloves that he always wore. “I still can’t believe you added that quad flip at the end of your free. We’ll have to begin practicing it in earnest when we get back to Hasetsu.” 

Yuuri had been practicing the jump on his own before World’s, but he’d only landed it a few times. “I can hardly remember what made me add it.” That was a lie. Yuuri knew exactly why he’d done the jump, but he wasn’t about to fess up to Viktor. After his Eros program still hadn’t had the resonant effect it needed, Yuuri had been desperate to find some way—any way—to show Viktor that he still cared, that even though they couldn’t be together out in the real world, Viktor would always be in his heart. The look in Viktor’s eyes when he’d skated towards the opening in the barrier after he’d finished his program made Yuuri think that, if Viktor could have tackled him on the ice and kissed him, he would have. 

“It was a fantastic surprise.” Viktor’s voice was low and quiet as if he was speaking to himself.

Yuuri glanced over at Viktor to see that he was staring ahead, but what he could see of his ears and cheeks were dusted with pink. Yuuri was sure it wasn’t from the chilly breeze.

They reached the restaurant, and it was just as Christophe had said: a cozy hole in the wall that had excellent food and wine. The four skaters sat down and soon fell into easy conversation, swapping stories of their younger days.

"Viktor," Christophe bounced in his seat as he began yet another story of their exploits. "Do you remember the time you managed to slip away from Yakov to go with me to a club in Paris?" His riotous laughter nearly caused him to spill his drink. "That was your first Olympics, wasn't it?" 

Viktor laughed, looking more like himself than he had in weeks, his true smile coming easily to his face and the laughter pinking his cheeks. "Oh god, I remember that! I was such a starry-eyed youth back then." He turned his radiant smile on Yuuri, who returned it without hesitation.

“I can still remember the first time I saw Viktor skate on TV. It was when he won at the Junior Worlds with the highest score in history. Back then your hair was still long.” He could remember young Viktor vividly. His long silver hair that flowed behind him when he took to the ice. He seemed so carefree and untouchable—a silver butterfly dancing in the wind. 

Yuuri had fallen for him the very first time he'd seen him skate on TV. Now, he had Viktor in his life, and he was no closer to him than he had been sitting in front of that small screen. He had tasted what it was like to be bathed in Viktor's love and attention, but it had been half-truths and hollow promises. The effect of love, not the substance. But for all Yuuri's noble sacrifices for Viktor's sake, he'd only managed to make both of them miserable. However, he knew all he had to do was reach out, and Viktor would meet him halfway. 

“How many fates turn around in the overturn

Ballerina's that have fins that you'll never find

You thought that you were the bomb yes well so did I

Say you don't want it, say you don't want it, say you don't want it again and again but you don't, Don't really mean it

You say you don't want it

This circus were in but you don't, don't really mean it

Don't really mean it

She's addicted to nicotine patches

She's afraid of the light in the dark

6:58 are you sure where my spark is here here here”

-Spark by Tori Amos

Yuuri’s skin buzzed, hummed almost, as he and Viktor made their way back to the hotel. He made sure not to drink too much wine during dinner, wanting to keep his wits about him. It was similar to the feeling he had right before he took to the ice. The fizzy, nervous tingle that pushed him out onto the stage to perform.

Viktor had insisted that he make sure he got to his door, saying that it was his responsibility to see his charge made it safely to bed. He waited just past the door for Yuuri to fish out his key card. Yuuri looked up to bid him goodnight when suddenly Viktor’s lips pressed to his. As quickly as it had happened, it was over, leaving them both breathless. Yuuri clutched Viktor’s hand to keep himself upright. 

“Yuuri.” It was a whispered plea from one lost soul to another. “If you really don’t want this, want me, then I’ll give up. All you have to do is let go of my hand, and I won’t pursue this anymore. But if there is even a small spark, a glimmer of feeling beyond just dalliance…” Either his courage had run out or he was unable to translate his desire into English, but Yuuri understood, for maybe the first time, how serious Viktor was. 

The air rushed audibly from his lungs, making him squeeze his fingers tighter around Viktor’s. He had to make sure Viktor was real and still with him. That Yuuri’s need for him wasn’t manifesting this image of Viktor. 

Yuuri turned quickly and unlocked his door, still clutching Viktor, and pulled him into the darkened space. He knew he had to act, had to take what Viktor offered because he _ knew _ if he let him go, he’d never recover, they’d never be whole people again.

“Vitya—“ 

Yuuri’s plea was cut short by Viktor’s lips crashing against his. His hand fisted into Yuuri’s black locks, his other hand finally releasing its hold, circled around his waist pulling him flush. Yuuri grabbed the lapels of Viktor’s suit jacket, holding on for dear life. It felt like he’d truly come home after so long away. Tears leapt to Yuuri’s eyes, but he held them fast. There was no time for weeping. They needed to connect, to meld into one.

Yuuri somehow maneuvered them to the bed as he shed any piece of clothing he could reach from Viktor and himself. He sagged onto the mattress, still kissing Viktor and finished unbuttoning his shirt, letting it slip from around his shoulders. Viktor leaned down and kissed behind Yuuri’s ear, sliding down his neck to where his shoulder curved out and set to marking the spot. Yuuri gasped at the sweet prick of pain as he unbuckled Viktor’s belt and made quick work of removing his pants. 

Viktor continued his exploration of Yuuri’s chest, stopping at his peaked nipples, giving them a thorough going over with his tongue before moving down his abdomen. He urged Yuuri to move further up the bed and then removed his pants and underwear in one motion. 

Viktor sat back on his heels, eyes full of admiration at the sight before him. Yuuri reached a trembling hand up to him, needing to have him close. Their lips came together, tasting the desire and longing they’d deprived themselves of for so long. 

“Vitya, please, I need you. Please.” Yuuri wasn’t sure if he was still speaking English, his brain was so full of Viktor, that every part of his higher functions had shut down. All he felt was his hard cock brushing far too lightly against Viktor’s. He tilted his hips upward and was rewarded with the exquisite pleasure of friction. 

A knowing smile curved Viktor’s lips at Yuuri’s message, both verbal and physical, and asked a question with his eyes. Yuuri waved in the direction of the dresser and Viktor quickly went to fetch the needed supplies. He quickly returned with the first-aid kit and extracted the lube and condom. 

Pouring out a generous amount on his fingers, Viktor nudged Yuuri to turn over, who quickly obliged. Viktor gently parted Yuuri’s cheeks and circled his hole causing a moan to escape from Yuuri. He methodically opened him, following perfectly the lessons he’d received, leaving Yuuri panting and trembling before him. 

“You’re so beautiful, Yuuri.” The crinkle of the condom wrapper only vaguely registered to Yuuri’s lust-addled senses. His whole body was chanting_ , Vitya, Vitya, Vitya _. He arched his back, more gracefully than any Ina Bauer he’d ever done, inviting Viktor to take him completely. 

He felt Viktor’s hand slide smoothly along his back, over his shoulders, and down his arms. His chest flush against Yuuri’s back, totally enclosing Yuuri with his body. 

“Yuuri,” Viktor’s breath hot on Yuuri’s ear, his voice low and husky, already sounding debauched. “Tell me. I need to hear you tell me. Tell me what you want from me.”

For a fraction of a second, Yuuri contemplated flipping Viktor over and riding him, taking what his body demanded, but he knew what Viktor was asking. Knew what Viktor needed to hear from Yuuri’s lips, from his heart, from his soul. He couldn’t fully give that to Viktor, not yet, but he could meet him halfway.

“Make love to me, Vitya.” His voice sounded foreign as if it were coming from far away. “I need you. All of you.”

Yuuri felt Viktor’s forehead between his shoulder blades. Sweat already beginning to dampen every surface of their skin. 

“As you wish.”

Viktor rose up on his knees, dragging his hands back down Yuuri’s body, settling one hand on Yuuri’s hip and used the other to guide his cock into Yuuri. The push was gentle and slow, allowing Yuuri to feel every inch of Viktor as he slid in to the hilt. Once there, Yuuri purred his approval of how full he felt, pulsing his hips back against Viktor. Viktorsucked air through his teeth, probably trying not to come, because he gripped Yuuri’s hips to still them. 

“I take it that you want me to move, Yuuri?” Viktor playfully smacked a hand on Yuuri’s thigh. 

“Please, Vitya.” 

Yuuri thought he’d burst into a million pieces if Viktor didn’t start soon. But start he did, hard and quick, pulling out almost all the way and then slamming back in, each time grazing Yuuri’s prostate enough to make him cry out with every thrust. His voice, which he usually tried to stifle out of embarrassment, rang out clear and lusty. Yuuri’s cock bounced against his stomach, leaking precum and painfully hard. He couldn’t reach it himself, braced on his palms as he was, and Viktor’s hands were pulling Yuuri’s hips hard to meet his every thrust. Then, Viktor shifted just a bit and began again, keeping to the punishing rhythm but nailing Yuuri’s prostate each and every time. 

Stars flashed in Yuuri’s vision at every targeted thrust. He threw his head back, his mouth open and mewled with pleasure, now pushing back against Viktor meeting him blow by blow. 

With a suddenness that stole his reason and breath, Yuuri came hard and long, his elbows giving way. Viktor kept tight hold of him as he rode out his own orgasm with a few more sharp thrusts. 

They collapsed into a heap of sweaty bodies and limbs on to the bed. They lay there together, breaths coming hard and fast on one another’s naked flesh. Viktor slowly pulled out and disposed of the condom, curling back against Yuuri, pulling him close and kissing softly his forehead, cheeks, and then his lips; mimicking what Yuuri had done the first time they’d been together. It was a form of worship for them, a way of saying they adored every part of them. 

“We should clean up, Vitya.” Yuuri nuzzled his head under Viktor’s chin, his actions in direct opposition to what his mouth had said. 

“Mmmmm. Don’t wanna get up.” Viktor tightened his arms around Yuuri closing out any space that physically came between them. “Sleep, reality can wait for the dawn.”

Yuuri’s rational brain sputtered and huffed to insist they needed to clean up and talk about what just happened, but the warmth of Viktor’s body and the endorphins that were currently buzzing through his brain effectively shut off the noise, and he sank down into blissful sleep. 

“Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed

Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need

I say love, it is a flower, and you, it’s only seed

It’s the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance

It’s the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance

It’s the one who won't be taking, who cannot seem to give

And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long

And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows

Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose”

-The Rose by Bette Midler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you CailynCara for the song suggestion!!! 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜  
If you're still with us, pop me a dm and I'll do art for you!!!


	4. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor takes care of some business at home and Yuuri tries to hold himself together on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (シ_ _)シ Soo sorry. RL decided to take a poo not just on me but my lovely betas too.  
#Blessed by them as always D_toska, Dachi, and Kanzaki19!  
There’s art by me!  
Enjoy!

“I was lost 'til I found you

Now these songs will hold and hide your name

All it was was all about you

Since that night, the moon has never seemed the same

And if only you could see yourself in my eyes

You'd see you shine, you shine

I know you'd never leave me behind

But I am lost this time

What if the love you deserve is love you never find?

I've learned in love and death, we don't decide

And if only you could see yourself in my eyes

You'd see you shine, you shine (Aye)”

-Lost by Dermot Kennedy

A faint light flickered through the curtains as Yuuri blinked slowly awake. Flashes of the night before gathered in his mind as he turned over to see a pair of deep blue eyes watching him wake. Viktor reached out and ran his hand through Yuuri's undoubtedly messy black hair.

“Good morning.” Viktor’s voice was soft and warm like the covers they were wrapped in. “How are you feeling?”

Yuuri stretched fully to assess all his aches and pains, but other than the usual soreness from skating all out, as well as their extracurricular activities most of the night, he wasn’t feeling out of sorts at all. In fact, for once his mind and body were more at ease than they’d been in a long time.“I’m actually feeling fantastic.”

Viktor laughed gently and pulled Yuuri into his arms, enveloping him into the warmth of his body. He placed a kiss on Yuuri's temple and tucked his head under his chin."I'll take that as a compliment." 

Yuuri could hear the smile in his voice and burrowed into Viktor's chest, hiding from the dawn's light, not wanting this time to end. However, the reality of what had changed began to encroach on his thoughts like the light of the sun into the room. He wanted to shove them away, pull the curtains tight and not let the day in. 

"Vitya?" Yuuri whispered the name into the man's soft skin. "What happens now? I understand now that the way I was dealing with things wasn't fair to either of us, but what are we going to do now?"

Viktor made a thoughtful sound as he tightened his embrace at Yuuri's words as if he could shield them from the world with his arms. He didn't say anything for a long time, just held fast to Yuuri and dipped down occasionally to place a chaste kiss on his head. "I'm going to need you to trust me, Yuuri. Trust that I love you and that I'm doing what's best for our future. Can you do that for me?" 

His serious tone made Yuuri pull back and gaze up into Viktor's face. Their eyes met and Yuuri could see how vulnerable Viktor was at making this request. "I can't say that I won't worry, because this is me after all. Yes Vitya, I trust you." Yuuri reached up and took Viktor's face in his hands. "I love you, too."

Tears welled in Viktor's eyes and a wondrous smile appeared on his face at Yuuri's words."What did I ever do to deserve you?" 

"You just had to be you, Vitya. It's all I ever needed." He leaned in and kissed Viktor softy on the lips, putting all his feelings for him into the kiss. "What are you going to do?".

Again, Viktor was quiet for a bit, seeming to think of how to explain his plan to Yuuri. "I have to leave your side for a bit. I have some business to take care of in St. Petersburg, but I should have it wrapped up by Rostelecom. I'll have Yuuko or Minako tape your practice and we can go over it every night. You'll be fine."

Yuuri took in what Viktor was telling him. That he'd be gone for the weeks leading up to the next event for some kind of business. What could he have to do that would take him away for that long? What did it have to do with their future? A hopeful, quiet voice in his mind whispered, ‘He could be going back to end things for good with Anya.’ An unnamed yet familiar feeling set at the pitch of his stomach, but before he could look into it a touch on the side of his face made him put that on the back of his mind. 

Yuuri settled back into Viktor's arms and enjoyed the warmth of the man he loved, even if it wouldn't last much longer. He had faith that Viktor would make everything right and for now, that was all he needed.

“I've been running from the truth 

I've been running since my youth, tired of running 

I will stand here till you see 

I am you and you are me, tired of running 

There really is no difference when you look beneath the skin 

Someday I know we'll go beyond this world we're living in

Now when I lay me down to sleep I will be dancing in my dreams 

Seeing the way it all should be I will be dancing 

Now when I lay me down to sleep I will be dancing in my dreams 

Seeing the way it all should be I will be dancing 

Dancing in my dreams”

-Dancing in My Dreams by Tina Turner

  
  


They lingered through the morning since their flights were scheduled for later in the day. Viktor had changed his flight from Hasetsu to St. Petersburg, which left a few hours earlier than Yuuri's, but they decided to leave at the same time to keep up appearances as long as they could. 

Yuuri’s emotions were spinning in all directions, he felt the joy of every touch and glance he and Viktor shared as they pulled together their belongings into their respective luggage, yet it was all tinged with sadness knowing that just after they’d finally truly connected again they’d be parted. The needles of doubt pricked Yuuri over and over, yet all Viktor would have to do was to touch or kiss him, in order to pull Yuuri back to the here and now. 

“You’ve got everything?” Viktor shrugged into his tan trench coat in the entryway of the room. “I sent down my luggage already and there is a car waiting. All that’s left is to get ourselves down to the lobby and—”

Yuuri grabbed onto the lapels of his coat pulling Viktor’s head down to meet his, cutting off whatever he’d been about to say. Viktor wrapped his arm around Yuuri to pull him closer, but not into a kiss. They stood close, listening to their breathing, to their heartbeats. Yuuri couldn’t imagine anything more intimate at that very moment. Knowing he’d probably not get another chance to say this in person for a while, he whispered into Viktor’s ear. “I love you, Vitya.”

Yuuri felt Viktor’s arms tighten their hold as he replied, “I love you, too.”

They pulled back slightly, gazing into each other’s eyes for a long moment, trying to memorize the sight before them. Yuuri tilted his chin up and placed a sweet kiss on Viktor’s lips, putting his heart and faith into Viktor’s hands. 

An insistent chime signaling the arrival of their car to the airport broke the spell. 

With a heavy sigh, Yuuri let go of Viktor and smoothed his coat where he’d been clutching at it. “Let’s get going.” Knowing if they paused just for a single moment, he’d never move away. He grabbed the handle of his suitcase and headed out of the room. 

The ride to the airport was quiet. Luckily their driver didn’t seem to know or care who they were, so they were left alone as they wound their way through the busy streets of Shanghai. 

Finally at the airport, they sat in the back of the car while paparazzi hovered outside the solid doors, snapping pictures of them.

“Yuuri, you’ve got this.” Viktor’s voice had the same soothing tone he used before Yuuri took to the ice. “It’s no different than being on the ice.”

A tight smile formed on Yuuri’s face. “Yeah and look how I can screw thatup too.”

Viktor squeezed his hand. “I believe in you, _ my Yuuri _.” His voice was deeper, husky, his breath warm against Yuuri’s head. “Remember, my Yuuri, it will only be four weeks.”

“Four weeks.” Yuuri repeated hollowly.

“Yes, four weeks and then we’ll be together in Moscow. I will be there to see you win and take your place at the Grand Prix Final.”

Yuuri tried to visualize it, to see in his mind’s eye what Viktor had just said, he could see just flashes, glimpses of that dream. 

“Yes,” this time Yuuri's voice was more confident. “Only four weeks.”

Viktor squeezed his hand, signaling they needed to face the real world. Yuuri gave a small nod and squeezed back. With a rush of flashes and shouts of their names, they dashed from the car to the airport with the hounds on their heels. 

“It's stupid, but I'm better off and I'll stay quiet

'Cause I pushed away all the ones that hold me close

I'm losing my mind, oh yeah, I just can't take it, no

I'm in the corner, yeah, I'm bleeding on the road

Woah, I, I'm blacking out

And I can't help it out

I, I scream and shout

And I can't help but

Sleeping with the light on every night

I can't stand my bedroom up with blankets on the couch

Woah, it's killing me, I'm burning up inside

Woah, I'm a mess right now and I'm just freaking out

I'm seeing sounds, I'm freaking out”

-Freaking Out by Arizona

Yuuri’s first week home went well. Buoyed by their reconnection and near constant contact via text or Skype, their pubic relationship giving them carte blanche. Yuuri could flood him with streams of anxious thoughts and Viktor would defuse them with reason and soothe his frayed nerves with soft words. 

Viktor would join him for his late night skates via Skype, though in the back of his mind, Yuuri wondered what Anya thought of all the video chats and text messages. During some of his more anxious moments, he was sure she'd walk in at any moment and discover all. 

He voiced this concern after a long night of practice. "Aren't you worried that Anya might become suspicious of something more going one between us? I mean with all the texting and the late nights?"

Viktor waved dismissively at the questions. "Don't worry, Yuuri. Remember, I'm your coach, and I need to be in constant contact with my skater. Now, let's talk about the suggestion you made about including a quad flip at the end of your free." With that change of topic, Viktor had successfully redirected Yuuri's anxiety and they continued to review his program. 

But Yuuri's peace of mind was short lived. In the middle of the second week, Viktor's texts were becoming sporadic, and when he would reply, it was short, clipped responses. They still had their face to face time in the evening, but as the week wore on, Viktor was looking a bit frayed at the edges. 

"Is everything okay, Vitya?" Yuuri whispered to the screen. Practice was over and they'd continued to talk about nothing in the quiet of Yuuri's room. "Are the late nights starting to catch up with you?" Yuuri worried his bottom lip as the anxious thoughts crept in. He looked closely at the Viktor on his phone, longing to reach out and smooth his silver hair or kiss away the crease between his eyebrows. 

Viktor let out a long sigh as he ran his hand through his hair and then he pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, it's not that. My business here isn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped and the paparazzi have been worse than ever." He straightened up and stretched. "But it all should be settled soon, and the press isn't anything I haven't dealt with before. No need to worry about me. It will be all worth it in the end." A tender smile graced his features as he looked back at Yuuri. "Just remember that I love you, my Yuuri."

"I do and I love you, too Vitya." 

The next day dawned and there was no 'good morning' text from Viktor. Thinking this was odd, Yuuri texted him, but didn't receive an immediate response. By lunch he still hadn't heard anything. Yuuri double checked to see if he'd received the message and saw that not only had he received it, but that it had been read. Yet no response. When dinner came and went with nothing, Yuuri practically sprinted to Ice Castle for practice. Surely, Viktor wouldn't miss practice. Yet when he called, it went unanswered. Yuuri redialed five more times, still nothing. Finally, when his breathing was shallow and his hands were shaking, he tapped Viktor’s number and called him directly. He had to answer or at least send him to voicemail then text him later. He’d get something, a response, an acknowledgement. 

"This number is unavailable, either the phone is turned off or has been disconnected." The robotic voice chirped at him. 

Maybe there was something online that would tell Yuuri what was keeping Viktor from contacting him. He had mentioned that the paparazzi had been worse lately. Maybe that's why he was avoiding his phone. Had they hacked it or were they calling him constantly for a statement? He googled Viktor and was hit by a barrage of links and images.

**Instagram post: **

[Picture of Viktor and Anna walking alongside each other, holding documents and looking very somber]

Problem in paradise? Power couple Viktor and Anna Nikiforov were seen not that powerful at all when they were walking out of their house last Wednesday afternoon. Is the long distance due to Viktor’s coaching already a problem? Inside sources say, “there might be more than what people see.'' Stay tuned for more news . 

1,936,697 likes

**Icequeen34** Lololol it was too perfect to be true. 

**goldgetter007** Ok but real talk tho, Viktor looks amazing even when he is having a bad day.

**forovforever** I bet it’s nothing. They are amazing together. 

**Skatingrocks_57** **@forovforever** Amazing together? C’mon, you have to be blind to not notice that it looks very fake 

**annakov_forthewin** they were looking at houses a day ago WHAT IS GOING ON?! 

**Twitter post: **

[comparison post. First picture is Viktor and Anna smiling for cameras and second picture is Viktor and Yuuri smiling to each other caught by paparazzi.] 

**katsulover749** When you fake happinesses vs when you are actually happy. 

300 retweets 436 likes 

**_makkafluff111** **@katsulover749 **You would be implying that him and Yuuri are gay which, spoiler alert, they are not. This is very disrespectful to Viktor’s marriage you know. He is perfectly happy in his marriage.

**katsulover749** **@_makkafluff111** You would be implying that Anna has ever cared about her marriage which, spoiler alert, she hasn’t. 

**spicykatsudon69** Get you a man that looks at you like Yuuri Katsuki looks at Viktor. #Viktuuri 

**yuuris4cheeks_** **@spicykatsudon69** YESSS OMG can you feel the love ? Because I can feel it and I’m not even there #victuuri

**Are Viktor Nikiforov and wife about to surprise us?**

[Video starts with a woman in front of a “News Alert” background]

_ Viktor and Anna Nikiforov were spotted together walking out of Charter Court of St. Petersburg. Is the couple having marital problems? Has somebody gotten in between? Perhaps a younger yet very attractive Japanese skater who has completely taken all of Viktor’s time? We give you all the details in... _

150,000 views 

Distantly, Yuuri heard his phone clatter onto the floor. His knees buckled and he collapsed onto the floor. He was gasping for air and felt bile rise in his throat. His weakest side, his anxious mind, was whispering to him _ I trusted him, loved him. How could he have vanished? He promised _. He curled into a ball on the floor of the rink, trying to keep the darkness in his mind from claiming all his hope. He had told Viktor he would trust him. Deep breath in. He told Viktor he loved him. Deep breath out. Viktor said he was doing this 'business' for them. Deep breath in. He promised he'd see Yuuri win in Moscow. Deep breath out. 

“In your eyes there's a heavy blue

One to love and one to lose

Sweet divine, the heavy truth

Water or wine, don't make me choose

I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night, night

Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky

I've been running through the jungle

I've been running with the wolves

To get to you, to get to you

I've been down the darkest alleys

Saw the dark side of the moon

To get to you, to get to you

I've looked for love in every stranger

Took too much to ease the anger

All for you, yeah, all for you

I've been running through the jungle

I've been crying with the wolves

To get to you, to get to you, oh, to get to you”

-Wolves by Selena Gomez & Marshmello

“The press was brutal toward you both during that time. I can understand how the most innocuous event was twisted. The added stress from being out of touch with Viktor must have affected your anxiety greatly, didn’t it?” 

Yuuri looked past me as he thought, his eyes unfocused as he put together what he was going to say, his fists clenched in his lap. I could sense that any talk of his mental health was hard for him to talk about, but he seemed to want to share despite the difficulty.

“Yes, those were some of the hardest weeks of my life. Though unlike the inner turmoil that lead me to break things off after Worlds, these thoughts weren’t about us getting caught, but that Viktor had gone home and changed his mind about us, about me.” His voice was full of the emotions of the past. Even though it had been many years, they still seemed close to the surface.

“What kind of state were you in when you arrived in Moscow for Rostelecom? When did Viktor get back into contact with you beforehand?” 

“He called a couple of days after the missed calls, apologizing for not getting back in touch sooner, that he’d been too busy and exhausted to respond.”

My expression must have betrayed my doubtful thoughts because Yuuri continued. “I know what you’re thinking. ‘How could he be that trusting and naive?’ I made a promise to trust him and I loved him too much. I couldn’t let the tabloids or even my own dark thoughts separate us. As for my state of mind when I arrived in Moscow, I was ready to show Russia my love.” 

I gave him a knowing smile, “Well show them you did, receiving silver behind Yuri Plisetsky, correct?”

Yuuri smiled back and even laughed. “Yes, Yurio was always going to get gold. As much as I wanted to take him down in his home country, it wasn’t to be. My free was still all over the place, yet I held it together enough in order to medal.”

“Was that due to Viktor’s presence you think?”

“Most definitely. The jumps may not have been excused to perfection, but my PCS was the best it had been yet. All thanks to Viktor.”

“Did he finally tell you what his ‘business’ was?” 

“Yes.” He said with an expression that said I was asking a stupid question.

Smiling innocently, I pressed on, wanting to hear him talk about it. “And…?”

He rolled his eyes and huffed. “You and the world already know what happened. Why do I need to elaborate?” 

I pounced. I uncrossed my legs and lean forward, inching into his space. “You brought to light the affair you and Viktor had at that time, though not giving us too many details.” I raised my hands towards him palms up in a gracious manner.”You did say you would discuss how it affected your life and your career. So please, share with us what was ‘the business’ that kept Viktor from you during those four weeks before Rostelecom?”

I miss you more than I thought that I could

I miss you

I know you missin' me too like you should

I miss you

You set fire to my world, couldn't handle the heat

Now I'm sleeping alone and I'm starting to freeze

Baby, come bring me help

Let it rain over me

Baby, come back to me (baby, come back to me)

I want you to ruin my life

You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah

I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah

Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

I want you to bring it all on

If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it alright, yeah

-Ruin My Life by Zara Larson

  
  
  



	5. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri arrives for his last Grand Prix event and things get real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬  
So, I’m back! Sorry for making you all waiting (if you are still here). (シ_ _)シ  
The words were just lost, but with the help of my betas D_Toska and Kanaki19 and my playlist for this fic, I managed to pull this shit together.  
***SPICEY KATSUDON ALERT***  
If you want to speed read through, start at “As you wish” and slow down at “The cool air...”
> 
> Thank you all sooooo much for sticking with me and all of the love this has gotten.  
Enjoy!!!  
ヽ(o♡o)/

“Dirty tissues, trust issues

Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you

Lonely pillows in a strangers bed

Little voices in my head

Secret keeping, stop the bleeding

Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating

All the songs that I can't listen to, to tell the truth

Loving you was young, and wild, and free

Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet

Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound

A steady place to let down my defenses

But loving you had consequences”

-Consequences by Camila Cabello

Yuuri felt like he’d been wrung out and left out to dry as he made the slow march through customs. He had a sensitive system and jet lag always hit him like a ton of bricks. Finally, he was sent on his way. He found his way down to baggage claim and stood quietly as he watched for his suitcase. A ghost of a smile pulled at his lips as he thought how much longer this would have taken if Viktor had flown in with him. Today he was alone at the airport with only his single suitcase to watch for. A flashing light and alarm signaled the oncoming parade of luggage. He spotted his red hard-case slip down the belt onto the carousel. 

Yuuri made his way over in order to intercept it, but he was blocked by an older man, who reached for a bag that was before Yuuri's. When the man had retrieved his case, Yuuri's case was nowhere to be seen. Panic seized his chest as he began to look rapidly around for his suitcase. He stood and watched the carousel revolve twice more before turning towards security. He hadn't taken three steps before he spotted his suitcase and the person who had claimed it. 

"Viktor?" Yuuri's voice came out hushed, thinking he'd passed out and was having a fever dream. 

Viktor was dressed down in denim jeans, a tan peacoat, and pale green scarf. He also wore a matching knit cap over his silver hair and held a pair of dark sunglasses in his other hand. If Yuuri hadn't memorized every inch of the man before him, he'd most likely would have just passed him by. 

"Surprise?" Viktor put on his best press smile, the one Yuuri always wanted to slap off his face so he’d never have to see it in place again. 

"You could say that." Yuuri stepped forward and took back possession of his suitcase and stepped back to insure proper distance was kept between them. "I take it you hired a car to take us to the hotel? I really just want to find a softish place to crash."

There was a flicker of something in Viktor's eyes, hurt maybe, but Yuuri didn't have the energy or wherewithal to pick apart what he'd seen there. Viktor gestured for Yuuri to follow him and the two headed to the glass doors that lead outside. 

Yuuri glanced subtly around, looking for any press that had come to try and get a photo of them together. Yet as he looked, there were none in sight. 

"I'm surprised there aren't any photographers here to pounce on us. After all the fuss they've kicked up in the last week and a half, I was sure they'd be out in droves today." The cold wind permeated through the fabric of his coat, causing a full-body shiver. Viktor lead him to a black sedan and opened the back door for him. The driver relieved him of his suitcase, placed it in the trunk and returned to his place behind the wheel as Viktor slid in on the opposite side from Yuuri. He kept to his side of the back seat, not bridging the gap between them in the slightest.

"Well, your coach may have leaked to the press that you wouldn't be arriving until tomorrow in order to avoid such a spectacle. Wasn't that nice of him?"

Yuuri looked down at his still gloved hands that were clenched together on his lap. "Yes, very nice." His voice was void of any actual gratitude or any emotion for that matter. He wanted to scream and cry, to throw a tantrum and throw things, anything but this terribly awkward tension that was hanging heavily between them.

They lapsed into quiet for the remainder of the ride to the hotel. The street lights were flickering to life like fireflies on a sleepy summer evening; they cast a sepia tone over the interior of the car giving it the look of a memory rather than actual reality. He felt so far away from himself— his emotions. He should be feeling hurt and frustrated because they’d finally reconnected, declaring to one another how much they loved each other and that this was something they were willing to take a risk on. Yet he felt empty and numb. Why were they now, after mere weeks apart, barely speaking? Shocked by seeing Viktor, seeing him with his mask back in place, must have caused his mind and his heart into defensive mode, shutting down all of his emotions good and bad. 

The hotel lobby wasn’t much warmer than the outside, Yuuri hoped that they at least heated the rooms properly. Luckily they didn’t linger there due to the fact that Viktor had checked them in when he’d arrived that afternoon, so the two of them shuffled over to the bank of elevators. The one to their right chimed its arrival and its doors revealed a noisy group of skaters. Emil Nekola was being subjected to another of Michele Crispino’s tirades about not getting close to his sister Sara with his hands raised in defense. Sara caught sight of them and smiled.

“Hey, Yuuri!” She turned to Viktor, her smile still in place in spite of awkwardness of the scene. “Do you two want to join us for dinner? Oh, Seung Gil, I didn’t see you there, do you want to come along too?”

None of those milling around the elevators had seen him approach. Yuuri thought Seung Gil was even more antisocial than he was most of the time. 

“No.” He pushed past the still bickering crowd of Italians and one Czech to the elevator. 

Sara let out an indignant huff and turned back to Yuuri and Viktor with a hopeful look. “How rude. You two game?”

“No, thank you.” Viktor put his hand on the small of Yuuri’s back, causing him to flinch from the sudden touch. Yuuri felt Viktor stiffen at the response, but his smile never wavered. “Yuuri just got in and needs his rest. We haven’t seen each other in a few weeks and need to catch up.”

“Okay. Good luck, Yuuri.” She waved at them as she corralled her brother and Emil away from the elevator. 

The second card mercifully dinged and they quickly slipped in, but even before Viktor could push the button for their floor, a hand shoved the doors back open and Yurio stood before them with his scowl firmly in place.

“What are you two sneaking around for?” He joined them, leaning on the back wall of the elevator. “It’s not like there are any press here for you two to avoid. And what the hell is up with you two? You both look like death warmed up.” He pointed at Yuuri, “I mean, I get why you look like shit, but you, Viktor, have done almost nothing these last weeks but talk about this asshole, so why aren’t you happy and shit?”

His press smile glittered into place, as false and fake as ever. “What makes you think I’m not overjoyed to have Yuuri here in my home country?”

The elevator slowed to a stop and Yurio made to leave, but stopped in front of Viktor. “Don’t forget who knows that smile, Viktor. I know and he knows, so get your priorities straight before things get out of hand again.” He turned to Yuuri, “I’m gonna kick your ass out on the ice, so you better bring it.”

The doors finally thumped shut and the car began its ascension again. Viktor’s face had lost its smile and Yuuri wanted to—yearned to—put the real one in place once more, but was too weary to attempt anything too grand. 

When they arrived at a room, Viktor unlocked the door and handed the card key to Yuuri. “I have a room a few doors down.” He didn’t look at Yuuri as he spoke, instead he was fiddling with the fringe of his scarf. “I have rink time tomorrow morning. I’ll meet you in the lobby at eight. Have a good rest, Yuuri.” His voice sounded empty and defeated. 

Yuuri wasn’t quite ready or awake enough to confront what was going on, and if he was being honest with himself, he’d been feeling hurt for a couple of weeks, as well as some of the worst anxiety attacks he’d ever had. He was grateful that Viktor hadn’t completely abandoned him and his career. He was here willing to coach him at least. Yuuri would have to resign himself to these meager crumbs, at least it was more than he’d had of him than last year. Yes, he reminded himself, he at least had that.

“Good night, Viktor.” It was a whispered farewell. 

“Good night.”

“Then the time for being sad is over

And you miss 'em like you miss no other

And being blue is better than being over it (over it)

No one wants you when you have no heart and

I'm sitting pretty in my brand new scars and

You'll never know if you don't ever try again

So let's try

Let's try

Let's try

All you sinners stand up, sing Hallelujah (Hallelujah)

Show praise with your body

Stand up, sing Hallelujah (Hallelujah)

And if you can't stop shaking, lean back

Let it move right through ya (Hallelujah)

Say your prayers

Say your prayers

Say your prayers (Hallelujah)”

-Hallelujah by Panic! At the Disco

Yuuri stretched out his tense muscles. Sleep had eluded him the previous night as it had since the Cup of China, so skating at this level of sleep deprivation was something he had dealt with before. Though Yuuri had been shocked he’d managed to skate better than Yurio in the short program. He’d overheard something about his grandfather being absent, and it had affected his performance.

Viktor was hovering a few feet away, though outwardly he appeared calm and cool as ever, Yuuri could tell something was off. Even his embittered, anxious mind had picked up on the ticks that Viktor usually hid smoothly behind his mask. He’d kept checking his phone and his gaze never seemed to settle on anything. He had also been uncharacteristically subdued, the usual carefree presence was hidden beneath dark clouds. 

One of the handlers came into the small space allotted to the skaters for warm-up, gave them the signal that meant it was time to head toward the ice, and then left the two alone. Yuuri turned to Viktor, who stood as still as a statue with his fist clenched. His mask had slipped, and Yuuri watched his warring emotions plainly flit across his features. 

“Viktor, it's time.” He kept his tone even and devoid of emotions, or at least that was his intent. Whatever Viktor read into his tone must have shattered the control Viktor had been clinging to, as Yuuri turned to leave he reached out and grabbed him by the hand. 

“Wait.” The color of his eyes were that of a stormy sea. “Yuuri, I have to tell you something.”

Yuuri sighed and tried to pull his hand away with no avail. “Whatever it is, it can wait.”

“No. It can't.” Viktor squeezed his hand tighter. “I have to tell you about Anya and I.”

“Not now—”

“Yes now!” The fierceness in Viktor's voice made Yuuri freeze in place. “I should have told you this weeks ago, but I wanted it to be a surprise.”

_ Even though I hate surprises and you know that. _

“But now I—fuck! I’ve screwed so much. I should just told you what I had planned in China, but I was afraid. Please, Yuuri believe me, I never meant to hurt you. I couldn’t contact you because—”

The handler stepped back into the room and Viktor immediately dropped Yuuri's hand. “Mr. Katsuki, if you don't head out now you will be disqualified.”

“I—we have to go, Viktor.” 

They followed the handler toward the arena and out to the opening in the barrier. Yuuri removed his guards, automatically handling them to Viktor. He stepped into the ice and finally turned to face his coach, but kept his eyes on his hands braced on the barrier. 

Viktor took his hand and squeezed it. “I know this may be too late, but I have to tell you this.” 

“Viktor—” Yuuri looked up into his eyes, hoping his voice would convince him to stop.

“Anya are divorced or at least will be as soon as I sign the papers, which I have back in the room.”

The sounds of the crowd faded to a dull roar, replaced by the sound of his heart thudding in his chest. _ Did Viktor say divorced? _He heard his name called which meant he only hand a handful of seconds to take his place. He looked into Viktor's eyes and squeezed his fingers. 

“Show them your love, Yuuri.” Viktor’s voice was barely above a whisper but resonated through every bone in Yuuri’s body.

With those words tumbling around his heart, Yuuri took to the ice.

The program went by in a blur of color and sound. If it weren’t for muscle memory, Yuuri was sure he would have stood stupidly in the center of the ice, trying to come to grips with what Viktor had told him. The gentle trill of the opening notes of “‘Yuri on Ice”’ propelled Yuuri into motion. He was getting divorced. What was going to happen now? Did that mean Viktor was going to give up skating? Why was he doing this now? Yuuri’s mind and heart were in a turmoil. Finally, he pulled himself into his final pose, fingers reaching out towards Viktor, who Yuuri could only vaguely make out. He needed to get to him, to hold him, to kiss him, to apologize for not having faith in him. 

He sprinted across the ice to the kiss and cry, his arms outstretched to Viktor. He didn’t even know how well he skated, he didn’t care, he just had to reach Viktor. Luckily, hugging one’s coach after your performance wasn’t something that would raise any eyebrows. He was enveloped by Viktor’s strong arms as soon as he was within reach.

“You were so beautiful, Yuuri.” Viktor's voice cracked as he spoke, the rawness in his voice made Yuuri’s eyes sting with tears. Tears that he’d held at bay since the night he’d broken down at Ice Castle with Yuuko. All of the loneliness and pain came gushing out of him as he let Viktor hold him up. After what seemed like ages, Yuuri’s tears slowed and Viktor guided them to the bench to await his scores. But Yuuri couldn’t tear his gaze away from Viktor, trying to pull the answers to his questions out of his head by sheer will alone. 

Viktor tightened his hold around Yuuri, as if in answer to his questioning gaze, that he was here for Yuuri and wasn’t going anywhere. The reassurance allowed him to look up and see if he’d be moving on to the Grand Prix or not. 172.87. It put him in fourth place. His heart sank as his mind frantically tried to do the math. It might be enough, but he wasn’t sure. Yet, he couldn’t really find it in himself to care because Viktor was holding him and his heart was more at peace than it had been in so long. 

“Let’s get out of here.” The words popped out of Yuuri’s mouth before he could catch them. The need for answers out weighted any thought of propriety. He just wanted to be free of the public’s eyes on them and to just be alone with Viktor. 

Viktor gave an almost imperceptible nod as he helped Yuuri stand and steered him toward the dressing room, stealthily avoiding any members of the press. 

“I have just the place.” Viktor smiled down at Yuuri, who was dazzled by the sight of his true loving smile in its rightful place.

“I wanna be king in your story

I wanna know who you are

I want your heart to beat for me

Oh I-

Want you to sing to me softly

'Cause then I'm outrunning the dark

That's all that love ever taught me

Oh I-

Call and I'll rush out

All out of breath now

You've got that power over me, my my

Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

You've got that power over me, my my

The only one I know, the only one on my mind

You've got that power over me (my my)

Got that power over me (my my)

You've got that power over me”

-Power Over Me by Dermot Kennedy

The evening lights gave the marble entrance to Gorky Park a golden glow and the lamps that illuminated the walkways twinkled like stars. The gardens had been cut back for the winter, but everything was covered in a sparkling layer of fresh snow. Viktor came around and opened his door to the car he’d acquired by some kind of magic. They’d made a quick stop at the hotel in order to take care of a few things before heading out again. Viktor said he knew the perfect place to go and talk alone. 

Yuuri’s breath came out in clouds reminding him of winters in Detroit. He knew it was going to be cold, but hadn’t prepared to spend a lot of time outside. He wasn’t too worried about being cold, though just being next to Viktor was enough to warm him from the inside out. 

“I know it's not the same as Hasetsu beach, but it does have a waterside view.” Viktor’s hand wrapped around Yuuri’s and pulled him along. 

They walked for a while in a comfortable silence taking in the hushed atmosphere of a snow-covered landscape. After a few twists and turns, they came upon an iced-over riverfront, the lights from the city and the dark depths of the water gave the ice a gem-like quality. 

“I guess an apology would be a good place to start.” Viktor’s voice was quiet, but full of emotion as he broke the silence. “It was selfish of me to keep this whole thing a secret from you. I wanted so much to surprise you, to give you this wonderful gift, but all I did was cause you pain. For that, I am truly sorry.” He squeezed Yuuri’s hand tighter, putting all his sincerity into his grasp. 

Yuuri let Viktor’s words wash over him, taking time to gather his constantly racing thoughts into order. “Thank you for apologizing, Viktor. It means so much, really.” He turned to Viktor, taking his other hand and looking up into those deep sea blue eyes. “I’m the master of the ‘should of’ and ‘I wish I had’ mindset. So, when you stopped calling and the press started their theories of what was going on, I was lost. I know I promised to trust you, and I did—I still do, but you understand how hard it was for me to watch all that unfold and not hear a word from you?” Yuuri didn’t want to scold Viktor, but just wanted to share, to communicate, to entrust this hurt with the one he loved so they could move past it. 

Viktor nodded, not breaking eye contact though his eyes were misting with tears. He sucked in a breath in order to speak, but Yuuri continued.

“You don’t need to apologize again. I’m not scolding you. I just wanted—”

Viktor broke in, tugging him into his arms, warm arms enveloping Yuuri in a tight embrace. 

“Yuuri you don’t know how hard it was for me to not call you. I was in the lawyer’s office most days in meetings hashing out the details of the divorce settlement and Anya was dragging her feet. I was afraid she wasn’t going to back down and let me go, but I got the finalized papers the day before you arrived, so…”

“You waited till the last possible moment before my free skate to tell me?” The disbelief must have been clear in his voice because Viktor squeezed him tighter.

“I know, I know. I’m a coward, but when I saw you, I knew I’d messed up and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. Finally, I couldn’t take you hating me anymore, so I just made up my mind to tell you and take my chances.”

Yuuri sighed and buried his face in the soft fabric of Viktor’s scarf. God help him, he loved this man. This crazy, exuberant, mixed-up man with every fiber of his being. The hurt didn’t completely vanish, but the sharp barbs that had been carving holes in his heart had been pruned. He would heal. They both would. 

They stood in each other’s arms in the cold night air. Even though they were in public, the hour was such that there wasn’t another soul in the park. It felt so good to be back in this embrace. Yuuri’s heart nearly burst as the thought that he could have this, really have Viktor. That Viktor was his now. That this could be his forever. 

The warmth in his body started to morph into something more molten and wanton. Yuuri’s soul called out to merge together with Viktor’s, to reconnect to its mate. It was so primal and sudden that it took Yuuri’s breath away. He tilted his head in order to whisper into his ear.

“Viktor.” The whips of vapor curled around Viktor’s head like a halo. The angel to Yuuri’s devil. He’d taken Viktor by the hand and pulled him off his lofty, cold pillar and pulled him down to heat and pleasure of the real world. “I need you. Now.”

Viktor pulled back and stared down at Yuuri. The face that shone down told Yuuri that Viktor was beyond overjoyed to fall. 

“As you wish.”

They nearly ran back to the car in their haste to reconsummate their relationship. Viktor opened the driver’s side door, Yuuri supposed, to drive them back to the hotel. But Yuuri knew he couldn’t—wouldn’t—wait that long. Even the dash back to the car had been too long. 

“Just start the car and then get into the back seat.”

Viktor sat there in the car, mouth hanging stupidly for a moment till his lust-addled brain caught up with what Yuuri was suggesting. He clamped his mouth so fast his teeth clanked together and he quickly started the vehicle. Viktor practically hopped out of the front seat and scrambled into place in the back. Yuuri shut the front door and maneuvered onto Viktor’s lap, pulling the back door shut as he did. 

Yuuri loved this position, letting him look down on Viktor’s beautiful features. Having full access to him that the change in height allowed him. 

“My Yuuri.” The name was uttered like a prayer, as if Viktor was trying to confirm the reality of the situation he found himself in at this moment.

“Vitya.” Yuuri put all the love and adoration into the utterance of the name he hadn’t thought he’d ever say again. 

As he spoke, he ground his hips downward, giving life to the want that had seized him when he realized Viktor was all his. He was already hard enough to tent the warmup pants he’d thrown back on after he’d stripped out of his free skate costume. He took the smallest moment to thank god that he hadn’t put on jeans. That would have made this moment more complicated. Viktor let out a sound that was something between a whimper and moan as he thrust up to meet Yuuri halfway. 

Yuuri snaked his hands around Viktor’s neck, dug his fingers into the cropped hair at the nape and pulled him in hard for a searing kiss. Viktor’s hands were everywhere at once, fingers digging into his plush ass, thumb flicking across his nipple, and then thrust into his hair pulling him closer still. Yuuri could feel his need echoed in Viktor, the twin flames of desire threatening to consume them both. 

Gasping for breath, Yuuri pulled back from the kiss and marveled how debauched Viktor already looked. His lips swollen and eyes blown with lust. Yuuri knew they lacked proper lube, so they’d had to improvise. Nothing was going to stop him at this point, least of all the lack of synthetic lube. He tapped Viktor’s bottom lip with two fingers, asking for permission. Viktor immediately obliged, sucking his finger into the warm wetness of his mouth. Yuuri pumped his fingers in and out a few times, at the same time he rocked his hip in time allowing the friction to do the job of getting them good and hard. 

Yuuri, finally satisfied with the amount of saliva, withdrew his fingers and began to open himself up. Bereft of the stimulation of Yuuri’s hips, Viktor’s clever mind found another outlet. He reached up and slid down Yuuri’s pants down further, then swallowed his length whole. Yuuri gasped at the sudden onslaught of pleasure, so startled he nearly slammed his head into the roof of the car. Yuuri was drowning in pleasure, in adoration, in the sheer force of Viktor’s love. 

Yuuri couldn’t decide if it was impatience or that he’d actually had prepped himself enough, but he removed his fingers and used his other hand to tug on Viktor’s silver hair to bring the man’s eyes to his. 

“I need you now, Vitya.”

He was surprised how calm and clear his voice was in the moment. Viktor quickly undid his belt and his zipper in order to free his cock from its confines. Yuuri licked a sloppy strip down his palm and gave Viktor’s cock a few tugs to slick it up. He settled his knees against the back of the seat and reached back for Viktor’s cock. Yuuri hissed as he lowered himself down, pushing down slowly. Viktor’s nimble fingers rubbed soothing circles on his lower back as his mouth sucked marks into his pulse point. Yuuri finally bottomed out, his own cock leaking pre-cum onto Viktor’s designer t-shirt. 

“God, my Yuuri.” Viktor’s breath was hot on his neck. “You feel amazing..” He looked up at Yuuri, his eyes full of lust and love. “Eros, truly and completely.” 

Yuuri was robbed of breath to respond as Viktor snapped his hips up into Yuuri. He saw stars as he managed to hit his prostate with every thrust. Yuuri braced his arm on the roof of the car and met Viktor thrust for thrust. They worked in delicious tandem, riding the waves of sensation cresting and breaking over them. They weren’t going to last long, but this wasn’t a thing that needed to take time. It just needed to happen. 

Drool dribbled out of the corner of Yuuri’s mouth that was slack. The sounds that escaped were primal and incoherent. Viktor’s movements were becoming stuttering, almost just a twitch of his hips. Yuuri was now in complete control, rolling his hips up and down on Viktor’s cock. 

“My Yuuri, you are so beautiful like this.” Viktor’s voice was now a mere rasp, like a blade on ice. “Come for me, my Yuuri.” 

He grasped Yuuri’s hips, pulling down hard, giving the extra force needed. It only took a couple more thrusts and they came hard. Yuuri felt the warmth of Viktor’s come spread through him, pulsing and slick. Viktor had the wherewithal to move his hand over Yuuri’s cock to catch most of his ejaculation. 

They slumped together, heads on each other's shoulders, their breaths the only sound that echoed in the car. Slowly Yuuri came back to himself and lifted his head. He cupped his hands around Viktor’s face, drawing his eyes up to his. 

“I love you, Vitya.” He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his lover’s lips. 

Viktor smiled his true smile up into the kiss. “I love you too, my Yuuri.”

The cool air settled around them as they continued to trade kisses. Yuuri was finally home and safe. Back where he belonged. His heart ached with joy being able to claim this man as his own. 

“Shall we head back and find somewhere more comfortable to rest?” Viktor arched an eyebrow at him. 

“Sure.” Yuuri didn’t care where they went. As long as he was with Viktor, he would go anywhere, face anything. He knew they still had obstacles left to face, but Yuuri for once wasn’t going to let his anxiety take control over this part of him. Because for once, Yuuri’s heart wasn’t his anymore. It was now Viktor’s and he knew with a clarity he’d never known that Viktor wouldn’t let anything, including Yuuri’s own mind, ever break his heart again.

“My doctor say you're no good

But people say what they wanna say

And you should know if I could

I'd breathe you in every single day

'Cause all of the downs and the uppers

Keep making love to each other

And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying

All of the downs and the uppers

Keep making love to each other

And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself

My hands to myself

Can't keep my hands to myself

My hands to myself”

-Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez


	6. Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy ending achieved! But of course, there is always someone who wants to get in their way. **TAGS HAVE CHANGED** You've been warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **LAST WARNING!!! TAGS HAVE CHANGED**

“Your love

Is better than ice cream

Better than anything else that I've tried

And your love

Is better than ice cream

Everyone here knows how to fight

And it's a long way down

It's a long way down

It's a long way

Down to the place where we started from

Your love

Is better than chocolate

Better than anything else that I've tried

Oh, love is better than chocolate

Everyone here knows how to cry

It's a long way down

It's a long way down

It's a long way

Down to the place where we started from”

“Ice Cream” by Sarah McLachlan

  
  


“He did it for me.” 

Yuuri’s voice was soft, nearly disbelieving, even after all this time. I was taken aback at the realization that this accomplished man, who had gotten his heart’s desire, couldn't quite convince himself that he had been worth it. That someone would give up his whole world in order to be with him. 

“All of the pain and anguish was caused by Viktor wanting to surprise you?” My tone was incredulous, so much misery had happened between them just for the sake of a surprise. 

Yuuri shook his head, a small smile on his face. “Viktor loves surprises, but he also doesn’t think ahead. The combination is terrifying at times, but that child-like mindset is another thing I love about him.”

I let out a small laugh at the glow of love that glimmered in Yuuri’s eyes as he spoke of what he loved about Viktor. “You were now bound for Barcelona for the Grand Prix final. Did it seem anti-climatic seeing that you had already won to a certain aspect?”

”Heh,” Yuuri huffed a little laugh. “Well, I wouldn’t say it like that. I still wanted to win gold at the final. It just made things sweeter that Viktor and I were finally on the same page.”

“Weren’t you afraid of the response of the Russian Federation, the press, and Viktor’s fans when the news of your relationship became public?”

“At first, but I finally had someone to fight for and with. With Viktor by my side, I knew we could do anything.”

“Better than a dozen roses

More than a couple drinks

On a sunny desert island, baby

You'll be all I need

If another late night caller

Comes knocking on my door

For instant gratification

I won't give it out no more

I used to call them all by name, now I call them

Stand-Ins wasting my time

If I'd of planned it you'd already be mine

So come and claim your ground and save me now

From all of those Stand-Ins wearing me out”

-Stand-In’s by Carrie Welling and Delta Rae

  
  


The lobby of the arena was filled with press and fans milling about, wanting to catch one of the skaters involved in the gala before they disappeared for their closed practice. Yuuri had his silver medal hidden under his warmup jacket. Viktor had insisted he wear it, and this had been the compromise they’d finally agreed upon. Though if the pout was any indication, he was still miffed about it. 

The last couple of days had gone by in a rush. Yurio had been in top form, going so far as to break Viktor’s record in the short program. Not to be shown up by the angry kitten, Yuuri had pulled out all the stops for his free skate and managed to land the quad flip at the end of his program, successfully shattering Viktor’s standing free record. It had been such an emotional hurricane that Yuuri had been sure that he would have been swept away like he had last year if Viktor had not been by his side. Finally, they were on the same wavelength, completely in sync. Not only as coach and skater, but as a couple as well. 

The press had been surprisingly civil, only the sleazy blogs and tabloids had dared ask about the circumstances behind Viktor’s divorce and if Yuuri had anything to do with it. The answer was always the same, “No comment”. Not only couldn’t Viktor say anything about it, but also that it really was none of their damn business. 

When they entered the changing room, they noticed Yurio and Otabek with their heads together deep in conversation. The two had become close during the competition, which made Yuuri smile. Otabek had always been a solid skater, as well as a quiet, calming presence off the ice. Yuuri thought the two would complement each other well. 

Viktor hung up both of their garment bags on the grill of the lockers and took out the costumes to let them air out. The first one was the pink chiffon prince costume that Viktor had worn last year for his free skate. The second, commissioned while Victor was in St. Petersburg before Rostelecom, was a blue chiffon version with silver accents as another surprise for Yuuri. 

Sometimes during practice when Yuuri needed to relax, he’d skate “Stay Close to Me.” Sometimes Viktor would join him and skate beside him. One evening while they were messing around, Viktor stopped dead in the middle of the ice. Puzzled at the sudden stop, Yuuri skated over to him.

“Viktor, are you okay?”

Hearing Yuuri’s voice caused Viktor to snap out of his thoughts, and he grabbed Yuuri by the shoulders.

“I’ve got a brilliant idea, Yuuri!” His hands were trembling with excitement, and his face had broken out into his blinding smile.

Unsure that he really wanted to know the answer, but at the same time delighted that Viktor was bubbling with happiness, he reluctantly asked, “What’s your idea?”

“We should turn this into a pair skating program and perform it at the gala for the Grand Prix!”

Yuuri stared at him in shock. “But Viktor we’re leaving for the Grand Prix tomorrow! There is no way we can choreograph and practice this enough to be ready in a few days!” His voice was becoming shrill at this point, and his chest was starting to constrict.

Viktor gripped his shoulders harder, grounding Yuuri, and started to breathe slower, which Yuuri began to mimic. Viktor was one of the few people who was able to pull Yuuri out his spiral before they became a full-blown panic attack. 

“It will be okay, Yuuri. We’re not going to add too much, it will be mostly what we’ve been doing for months now, with a few additional elements.I used to help Anya with her pairs skating sometimes when her partner was sick or injured. I believe in you. We can do this.” He pulled Yuuri into his arms, and Yuuri burrowed into the man’s firm chest. They stood there quietly in the tight embrace for a few minutes. “Do you want to try?” Viktor’s breath was warm on his ear. “We could show them all what we mean to each other with this. We can tell the world. No more hiding. No more secrets. Show the world our love. What do you think? Doesn’t that sound like a good idea, my Yuuri?”

Without lifting his head, Yuuri nodded into his shoulder, which caused Viktor to squeal with delight and lift Yuuri off the ice. 

“Viktor!” Yuuri would swear until his dying day that he did not, in fact, scream like a girl as Viktor lifted him up and then gently set him back on the ice. 

“This is going to be fantastic!”

They had practiced the additional elements into the wee hours until Yuuko had shown up and scolded them for staying so late. Especially since Yuuri had a competition coming up. Properly chastened, they went home and prepared for their trip. 

They’d managed to squeeze in another practice together on one of the free days in between the short and free programs. Yuuri felt more confident in the program by the end and Viktor reminded him that it didn’t need to be perfect. After all, it was only a gala performance.

“It’s supposed to be fun!”

Yuuri couldn't dispute that it was fun to be able to literally skate on the same ice with Viktor. To perform together, performing a program that in some ways brought them together again. 

“Oi!” The shout from Yurio brought him back to the present. “You two are really going to do it, aren’t you?” He waved his hand at the two costumes. 

“Isn’t it wonderful, Yura? My Yuuri and I, skating together in front of everyone!” Viktor was so beside himself one could practically see sparkles surrounding him.

“Just be careful.” The teen’s voice had taken a serious tone and the weight in his eyes was unmistakable. He leveled those eyes on Yuuri as if knowing that Viktor, even with all his ingrained caution, wasn’t in the right mindset to take the situation seriously. Yuuri nodded his understanding and the four of them headed to the ice to begin practice. 

There were only coaches and skating officials allowed at practice, so they were left pretty much on their own. They had run through the lift and a few of the pair elements of their program, adding polish where it was needed. A buzzer sounded, signaling the end of the practice, and all the skaters headed toward the barrier to make their way to the locker room. 

On their way there, a man in a dark suit and Russian Skating Federation credentials stepped in front of them ostensibly blocking their path. His expression was one of scorn and disgust. 

“Viktor Nikiforov, I’m here on behalf of the RSF to prevent you from taking the ice tonight, and to ban you from ever skating for Russia again.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and planted his feet. “We will not let you and your disgusting behavior taint Russia.”

Viktor’s face had gone white at the man’s words, all the joy and excitement of the morning gone. A rage that Yuuri had never felt before bubbled up inside him at the site. He stepped between Viktor and the official in an effort to shield his lover from this horrible man.

“You have no control over him anymore. He’s no longer your medal machine. He’s my coach. Whatever else we are to each other outside of that is none of the RSF’s business.” Yuuri grabbed Viktor’s hand and began to pull him past the man, who put a hand on Viktor’s shoulder to stop him.

“Mark my words, Nikiforov. You are finished.” He dropped his hand to let them pass and then whispered under his breath, “Faggot.”

It all happened so quickly. Yuuri saw red and spun on his heels. He would have thrown a punch if Viktor hadn’t grabbed him around the waist. 

“Yuuri!” 

“Viktor, let me go!” He struggled violently to free himself. “You asshole! How dare you! Do you even understand how much this man has done for your country and this sport? How dare you!” Yuuri spat out his words at the other man, who just looked on coolly as if he hadn’t a care in the world. “Let me go! I want to pound him into the ground!”

Summoned by Yuuri’s outburst, Yurio, Otabek, and an ISU official came up behind the other man. Yurio went straight to the pair, putting himself in front of Yuuri, who was still struggling to free himself from Viktor’s hold. 

“Yuuri, calm down. He’s not worth it.” His words seemed to finally bring Yuuri back and he stopped, sinking into Viktor’s hold. 

“What is this all about?” The official was addressing his Russian counterpart, his face not giving any indication of his thoughts. 

“This man tried to assault me!” He pointed at Yuuri, who had turned into his lover’s embrace, the fight completely draining him. “I only exchanged a few words with Mr. Nikiforov in regards to his standing in the RSF, and he tried to punch me.”

Yurio’s hackles rose up. “What exactly is Viktor’s standing in the RSF, and who the fuck gave you any power to do anything? He hasn’t done anything that would warrant any action from the RSF!”

The ISU official held up a hand for silence. “Mr. Plisetsky is correct. As far as the ISU is concerned, Viktor Nikiforov hasn’t broken any rules that would cause any action to be taken.”

The RSF official turned a brilliant shade of puce at the other man’s words. “He’s a disgusting faggot! He’s shaming his country with his unnatural behavior!”

The ISU official took a step closer to the other man, getting right up close to his face, his voice quiet and menacing. “You have no power to make any judgment on him for any behavior off the ice. Any discrimination from the RSF for his sexuality will result in severe sanctions from the ISU. I am going to report you to both the ISU and the RSF for your actions today. If I hear you harass any of the skaters again, I will call the police and have you arrested. Do I make myself clear?”

The man simply nodded and stormed off. The group took a collective sigh of relief as the air cleared. 

“I apologize on behalf of the ISU and the RSF. That man was way out of line. I believe he was acting on his own. The RSF knows full well the consequences of any discrimination of this kind. Keep me informed if anything else occurs.” The official headed out in the direction the other man had gone, most likely Yuuri thought, to make sure he didn’t cause any more trouble. 

“What an asshole!” Yurio huffed as he made his way back to Otabek, who had been silent the entire time. 

“I’m glad everything turned out for the best.” Otabek’s eyes were focused on the other pair. “I can’t wait to see your performance tonight. Davai.” He then guided a still spitting-mad kitten toward the locker room, leaving Yuuri and Victor alone.

“Thank you, my Yuuri.” Viktor kissed the top of his head as he pulled him closer. “You were my knight in shining armor.”

Yuuri let out a small laugh as he sunk further into Viktor’s arms, letting himself be comforted by his embrace. “I just couldn’t let him talk to you like that. Not to the man I love.”

Yuuri felt the arms around him squeeze tighter at his words. “I love you, too.” 

“We have a while before the gala. Why don’t we go back to the hotel and get some much-needed snuggle time in?” Yuuri pulled back and gave his love a playful wink.

Viktor laughed, all the tension of the previous moment seeming to vanish at the sound. “I think that can be arranged.” 

Together they headed out of the arena, not sparing a thought for anyone else, as they walked hand in hand. 

“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough

Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?

Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

Ooh oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And You say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe, (I) oh I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe”

-You Say by Lauren Daigle

Their performance went by in a dreamy haze. Yuuri could only remember the look in Viktor’s eyes as he joined him on the ice. The softness and love that glowed from them made his heart swell to bursting. Distantly he could hear the collective gasp of the audience when it happened, the gravity of what was on display not lost on them. They were there together on the ice, skating together to a song about calling out to a lover to stay by their side. If that wasn’t clear, the look on their faces and the love infused in every movement was plain. They were laying out their love for all the world to see. Yuuri couldn’t think of a better way of coming out to the world than here on the ice. 

They were also prepared for the inevitable questions that were going to be thrown at them when they were done. Viktor had walked him through every possible angle they could take, making sure they had an answer for each and every one. He poured his wealth of experience dealing with the media into Yuuri, giving him the tools he would need to fend off the impending storm. 

The wolves descended upon them as soon as Viktor and Yuuri exited the locker room. Blinded by the insistent camera flashes, Yuuri clutched Viktor’s hand as he kept his head down. 

“Viktor, is he the reason you divorced your wife?”

“Yuuri, how does it feel to have stolen Viktor from the ice?”

“How long has this relationship been going on?”

“Were you involved with each other before the divorce?”

As per Viktor’s advice, unless the question involved the sport directly, he was not to answer. After what seemed like forever, they finally made it out of the arena into a waiting car. 

Yuuri sagged into Viktor, who pulled him in close, resting his cheek on the top of Yuuri’s head. He could feel Viktor nuzzling into his hair, his breath tickling his scalp. The adrenaline that had pumped into his system was wearing off, leaving him feeling drained. 

“Do we have to go to the party tonight?” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I could think of a hundred better ways to spend the evening.”

He felt Viktor huff a laugh into his hair. “Only a hundred? I’m sure we could find more than that, don’t you think?”

Yuuri groaned at Viktor’s comment. Instead of elbowing him in retaliation, he decided to go for Viktor’s weak spot and began tickling his ribs. 

“Yuuri!” Viktor managed to squawk out before losing himself in a fit of laughter. 

Several minutes passed of relentless assault from Yuuri’s fingers. Viktor managed to get ahold of Yuuri’s hands, halting the tickle war. His eyes danced with mirth and joy. The hands that were firmly holding Yuuri’s were gentle and warm. Viktor’s breath was hot on his lips, which made Yuuri shiver. 

“We’ve done it, haven’t we?” Viktor sounded astonished. 

Yuuri pulled their hands down and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “Yes, Vitya. We did.” He smiled up at this lovely wonderful man. This man who gave up everything for him. This man who he will spend the rest of his life repaying. “I love you.”

“I love you, my Yuuri.”

“ You are the bearer of unconditional things

You held your breath and the door for me

Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met

You're my best friend

Best friend with benefits

What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before

I've never wanted something rational

I am aware now

I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me

And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault”

-Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette

“After the Grand Prix, as everyone knows, Viktor leaves the Russian Skating Federation and makes his official retirement announcement. You go on skating, winning gold at Pyeongchang and then retiring as well. Why retire that early? Didn’t you want to win as much as Viktor?” 

“After the Olympics, I felt that I said all I needed to on the ice.” Yuuri’s face looked at peace. 

“You feel like you accomplished everything you set out to do?”

“Absolutely.” Yuuri ticked his points on his fingers. “I broke Viktor’s free skate record, was able to skate on the same ice as Viktor, and won an Olympic gold medal. So, yes. I managed to do all I set out to do.” A wider smile pulled at the corner of his lips, a smile that was full of joy. “All with the help of Viktor.”

A door in the back of the studio opened, and a tall, silver-haired man pounced onto Yuuri and smothered the flustered man with kisses.

“Viktor! We were almost done. Why didn’t you just wait?” 

The words were scolding, but Yuuri was smiling at the man that had perched himself next to him. “Well, now that I have you both here, can I ask what you have been up to since retirement?”

Viktor’s mouth opened to answer, then paused to look at Yuuri as if asking for permission, who answered with a nod and indulgent smile. “We plan on taking a trip in spring to Paris to finally get married. After that we’re going back to Hasetsu to setup a training facility to train a whole new generation of skaters, regardless of where they come from or their walk of life. As long as they have a desire, they will have a place to skate. Yuuri and I have pooled our funds and have received donations from other skaters of both their time and money so we will be able to offer a state art training facility.”

“This is such a generous idea. What made you want to do something so philanthropic?” 

Yuuri was the one who answered this time. “One of my triggers was my finances. I would spiral every time I would not make enough from my winnings to cover my skating. Now I can give someone like me a chance to skate without having to be a burden on their families.”

“We also wanted a place that would welcome skaters who don’t fit into the molds their country forces onto them. A place where they can be open and be cared for without having to change themselves into someone else.” Viktor’s somber tone made clear how much this concept meant to him. “I want to prevent what happened to me to befall another generation of skaters. Give them a place to be free.”

Overwhelmed by the gravity of their dream, I sat back in my chair to contemplate the impact on the sport as a whole. They would produce the finest skaters in the world. They’d be unstoppable. 

“I think this will be a truly incredible place.” I gather up my notes and stand, extending my hand. “Thank you so much for sharing your story and your dream.” I shake both of their hands. “I’ll send you the final cut before its release.”

“Oh!” Viktor bounces up, pulling Yuuri up with him. “I can’t wait to see it when it’s done.”

“Yes, Vitya. It will be quite a show.” Yuuri rolls his eyes at his fiancé. “Let’s get going. We have a plane to catch.”

“Yes, yes! Thank you again for letting my Yuuri tell our story properly.” Viktor waves as they head for the door.

“You’re welcome.” I wave at the two men as they head out of the studio. This was definitely an interview of a lifetime, a story for the ages. They have and will make history. 

“Can you hear my heartbeat?

Tired of feeling never enough

I close my eyes and tell myself

That my dreams will come true

There'll be no more darkness

When you believe in yourself

You are unstoppable

Where your destiny lies

Dancing on the blades

You set my heart on fire

Don't stop us now

The moment of truth

We were born to make history

We'll make it happen

We'll turn it around

Yes, we were born to make

History

Born to make history

Born to make history

Don't stop us now

The moment of truth

We were born to make history

We'll make it happen

We'll turn it around

Yes, we were born to make

History”

-History Maker by Dean Fujioka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (´꒳`) Look Ma! I finished it!!!!  
Okay sorry, it took me so long to finish this happy ending. I really have no excuse, except I just couldn't see it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
I need to thank my betas Kanzaki19 and Dachi, but especially D_Toska who never lost faith in me and cheered me on. You all are the bestest!!!  
Finally, this fic is dedicated to my rl big bro and my sister-in-law (Who is getting this as a birthday present), who encouraged me to tackle this in the first place. Thank you both!!!!  
I hope you all enjoyed this ride, this fic was an amazing work of love. Love of these bois, this fandom, and this craft.   
LOVE YOU ALL!! ヽ(o♡o)/
> 
> [Fic Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4tEnvf9eKEWq2WN3YYOxpU)

**Author's Note:**

> There is a playlist for this fic here.  
Come yell at me about YOI, anime or music [on Twitter](https://twitter.com/Clarinda) or [on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clarinda0110/)


End file.
